Busy, Busy

So lets see, I have to figure out where exactly I left off. So, other than work this is what's been going on. As far as emotions go they have been all over the place, happy, excited, sad....everything. I worked father's day, so I kind of ignored the whole thing until later in the day when I treated Paul badly and got into an argument with him. So on that part, I sucked because I made him feel badly about himself. Then this week the same thing happened, mostly due to exhaustion and PMS. I got angry and overwhelmed. This week it was not only left for him though, I kind of flipped out on my mom. So yeah, I feel pretty bad when it comes to that. I also didn't really take the time to process fathers day because of being busy and working, so it hit me yesterday. Great timing! And I have been extremely vulnerable to the Devil the last few days. It seems as though he has been sitting on my shoulder telling me everything I do wrong, putting me down, and making me feel bad. So bad thoughts about myself have been rolling in and I try to roll them right back out, but yesterday, that was so difficult! That was the main issue yesterday was the negative, self degrading thoughts. And you know, everyone has those sometimes, but when it is constant like that, I can only think that it's not me, it's Satan putting those thoughts into my head.

As for house stuff, we are in stand still until the contractor comes back out to look at the house. I am trusting God to take care of it though. That's all I can say about that. When it comes to money I am learning that trusting God and not looking at the numbers is key, because He is providing exactly what we need. I was nervous about the numbers this month, not sure if we would be able to save and put money where it should be for the month of July since Paul has not been making as much. The shop is just slow and that's what happens when you work commission. When it's good it's good and when it's bad it's bad. Anyway, I checked the numbers one night and things weren't adding up, we were coming up short, then I did it again about a week or so later and we had just enough. God is providing!

Adoption stuff......Well, we got our home study orientation date July 7th 1p-4p at the office. We will not be taking Belle for this visit, and afterward have to make it back in time for a late wedding! We are excited to be moving along in the process but it is scary too! We are just gathering paperwork and trying to fund raise at the same time. Speaking of fund raising, we had our second yard sale this past Saturday and made $361 and I am still selling stuff! I also added up our flower bulb sale and it is over $300 with the online sale! This plus some extras we put into the bank, bonuses, reimbursements, and things plus the money we already had in that account has given us a little more than enough to pay for the home study! There are other things that we will just pay out of pocket, not from our adoption account. I feel like we need the account for the big items. Right now we are just starting to read the adoption books and such, and need to start the course. Also, I  really want to do a dinner fund raiser, and I wrote a letter to a local place, I am praying for a response that they will donate to us. I also wrote another letter to a local place and got a response that they may be willing to sponsor a night for us!

Belle has been good, but throwing massive tantrums, running away, saying no all the time, and hitting and kicking the animals. Time out is working some, but she has been tired because we have been out late a lot lately. And because of everything that's been going on, the yard sale, going to a baseball game Saturday, and just going, we are all exhausted! So we are trying to get back into routine, but it is hard with the fourth coming up.

I am also trying to figure out how to save money but give nice gifts for weddings and babies now. I want to make things but have had some trouble finding the time, and the stuff to do it. So we will see how it goes.

I think that's all for today, it's time for bed and to start another day tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a work day, and here is to praying it's a good day!

Cleaning, etc

Today was a day of cleaning and getting ready for the fire marshal. Whom may I add showed up while I was still cleaning! He was an hour early and I would have been done cleaning if he was on time! Oh well, all God's timing right? So that was this morning. And all went well with the inspection, we need to add a few things to our home but got approved! And I thought that there would be a fee and there isn't! He said for adoptions they do it for free!

This afternoon I spent time with Belle and read my kindle. I finished the book I have been reading tonight. I love to read, it just takes me away from my life and relaxes me. I can get too consumed in a book though, to the point I don't want to talk to Paul! I know not good right, but he gets it. So this morning I was feeling that I needed some encouragement to get through the day so on top of my devotion, I read Proverbs 31 and a few of my favorite verses. I am striving to be the woman that God intends for me to be and to be the Proverbs 31 wife.

This evening was my trying time today though. Belle was cranky and needy, she intentionally and consistently disobeyed. And it plucks my nerve after multiple times! She was kind of crazy and I just need to work on talking more instead of scolding, because she really doesn't respond to that. I need to be more calm but every time I try to get something done in the evenings or I am talking on the phone she misbehaves. And not only does she do something she know she shouldn't but she then runs away or does it again. When I am on the phone she tries to do stuff to see how long I'll let it go or if I won't say anything at all. She is so strong willed! I love her to death but boy does she know my buttons!! Talking to my mom tonight she told me I set myself up because I named her after my grandmother and great-grandmother, two very independent strong women. Well I guess I did! And I think I am realizing that because she is so smart, I need to keep her occupied in other ways and find new constructive things for her to do especially in the evenings. Paul and I talked about her last night and agreed that she is the type of child that will need to learn the hard way, by getting hurt, or getting everything taken away from her. She is so loving though too, and she is both of her namesakes. God bless my girl!

Now tomorrow will be kind of busy, I need to get stuff done at home, and then leave at 1230 for a drill at work, after that pick up yard sale stuff, and then goes to friend's for dinner and to do adoption stuff. Then Saturday I work and Sunday I am on call 12 hours, so potentially working again. God will see me through, never leave me or forsake me! Amen!