So I haven't kept up with my goal of blogging every week, but maybe now that Paul and I have a plan I will. We will see what happens. I cannot get upset if I do not meet my goals, because that is what they are....goals. Over January Paul and I both got very sick. Paul had the flu and I had some virus that kept me out of work for a week! Then we both were still recovering. Needless to say our Christmas decorations just came down last weekend! Life happens.
On another note, I have been feeling the need to speak/write about something that I know many others struggle with as well. Now, I have been a Christian since I was 9....I am not going to get into how many years that is, but I have been following God since then. Over the years, I have learned of His grace, love, and peace in different ways. My heart and thoughts have changed in different ways over the years and I feel more change happening now. All that to say, the questions I have been asking are not questioning my faith at all, but questioning how the church has changed.
I have a question....Have you ever been in a room full of people, but felt alone? I have.....at church of all places. Isn't the church a place to come together as a body of believers to worship and learn together?? Together is the operative word....I know plenty of people in our church but why don't they say hello or be willing to stop and have a conversation? Why when people ask "How are you?" and you actually answer honestly, they tend to say sorry or okay and walk away? This is my experience, and it has made me question why I even go to church. The Bible says "Where two or more are gathered, there I will be also". So why can't I worship and study at home? And why is there a push that if you feel lonely or unconnected at church that you need to serve and join a lifegroup? I can tell you at our church I have tried to join a team to serve and been "turned down" in my opinion. The story behind that is I spoke to people about joining but never heard back. The other reason I do not serve in a specific place is because Paul serves and when he is serving I have to be home. So I serve at home so he can serve at church. The other reason is that God called me to be a nurse and I serve my clients each and everyday of the week. I help people in the community and take care of the medically fragile in the community. As far as a lifegroup goes, the ones that accept children do not work with our schedule. I even tried to join one, but again never heard back. The church is supposed to reach un-saved people but also serve as a guide for Christians on how to live. If this is how other people new to faith are treated, we have a big problem! They will hear what is preached, but see the opposite in the congregation, which will not help them in their walk! That could push them away, I have been a Christian for years and it is pushing me away, I cannot imagine being new to the faith and feeling this way. What is the solution?? Sadly I do not know at this time, but I will say being in service this week was different than being at home. I felt God speaking to me and validating some of my questions and feelings. I also felt the Holy Spirit giving me peace and comfort, it is definitely harder to get that at home sometimes. All in all I am saying being at church is different than at home and it serves a purpose of growth to actually go to church in person even if you are alone in a room full of people afterward. The solution to the exclusion and changing of the way things are done, I do not know, that will have to be left to God at this point. It is too big for me to change or even know where to begin.
Paul and I had some in depth conversations related to religion this past week. They got a little intense at times even. Some related to church and serving or not. Well this weeks sermon validated that I am making the right choice with not serving at church. The Bible says to take one day of rest per week. Well, I serve other people all week long at work and home, so Sunday is my day of rest. I cannot work 7 days a week, no one can or should. I do and will serve at times for special things at church but mentally, physically, and emotionally I cannot serve on a regular basis other than helping my husband serve every other week. And guess what.....it is OKAY!!! The Bible doesn't say you must find an area at church to serve....it only says to be a light into the world, spread the good news, and love others. That is what I am doing and God has brought me peace telling me I do not need to do more. The other conversation we had was related to something someone said regarding suicide. There was someone in our community recently who took their own life, I do not know if they were saved or not, but it is assumed because of their family. Well, someone implied that even if you are saved, but commit suicide you will go to Hell. Paul and I argued about this a bit. That is what I thought at one point too, but if you think about it, sin is sin is sin. God does not differentiate one sin over the other. He does not rate one worse than the other. Christians often think that suicide is unforgivable, but nowhere in the Bible does it say this. I argued that if God is a gracious and loving God, why for one mentally ill mistake would He send someone to Hell? If God is so judgmental, even though I am saved, if I sin before I die then I would go to Hell.....that is backwards from what the Bible tells us! God tells us to receive Jesus as our Savior and follow Him, follow His teachings and we will have eternal life. We are all sinners, and we will continue to sin, but will God condemn us if we make a mistake before we die?? No, Jesus paid that price for us already! That is the best news!! Our sermon this week touched on this, saying Grace and the Law work together. The law refers to the Ten Commandments, they are our guide to live like Jesus, but Grace is the forgiveness of all of our sins. So we try to live according to the law but God's grace frees us from ourselves completely! This was my argument and my thoughts. Paul brought up the unforgivable sin....there is only one.....to reject/rebuke the Holy Spirit. No where does it say if you take your own life you will go to Hell. Praise the Lord!! I have the image in my head that Jesus met this person, hugged them, and said Do not worry, you are free from your pain, now come with me. God would never condemn someone for their struggle with mental illness! God loves each and everyone of us and sees us right where we are. He also feels what we feel, pain, sadness, anxiety, depression, anger, joy, and peace. If we trust in Him, when we struggle with the pain, anxiety, and depression of this world or mental illness, He can help us overcome it and walk with us through it. He has helped me, and can help you too!
