Today January 7th is when Ethiopians celebrate Christmas. So Melkam Ganna! Almost 3 years ago we decided to adopt and to adopt from Ethiopia. We decided on Ethiopia because that is where we felt God wanted us to adopt from....either that or China. Well, at the time we were not old enough to adopt from China, and now that we are old enough.....even given the opportunity to change programs recently we haven't. Why you may ask....God has called us to wait for our daughter. When we started the process our wait time was 18-24 months from application to referral (profile). Unknown to us.....our wait time would increase to 36-42 months from the time your papers were submitted to Ethiopia for a referral. Three years ago I was so excited, nervous, and hopeful and focused on raising funds for our adoption of Adeline. As I write this I write it with all the honesty in the world. I do not feel those things anymore and have not done a lot of fundraising. Having said that....it does not mean that I do not want to adopt anymore or that I have stopped all together with fundraising. My world is no longer consumed with "adoption paper chasing". Those who know adoption or know all the running around I did a few years ago knows what this means.
This is what waiting feels like. Waiting is the unknown part of adoption. The first portion when you start the process is getting your home study paperwork, then your dossier paperwork ready to send to the country you chose. And raising money for this stuff too.....almost half of the costs occur within the first half of your adoption. Once you send your dossier and it sits in country for a while....your hopes are still high....still waiting and dreaming of your soon to be child. Just as if you were pregnant....except this is the longest "pregnancy" I have ever heard of!! As time goes on, you continue to live your life, paying attention to your spouse, and other children if you have them. This is the part of adoption I feel isn't talked about enough. We have friends who have adopted in the past....mostly from China....all of their adoptions completed within two years of starting the process. This sometimes feels truly unfair and sometimes if I let myself....not often....jealousy can take over along with sadness. Because if you had asked me three years ago or even a year and half ago....I would have told you with every confidence that we would have our daughter home now. That was not God's plan for us....and probably at this point a good plan since the last month, I haven't been able to do much of anything for myself let alone anyone else....or lets say it has been difficult. So this is where we wait in limbo....for who knows how much longer. Paul and I talk about our adoption and our future daughter....not nearly as much as we used to. I dream and think about her and what she will look like, how old she will be, what she will be like, and how my girls will get along. I pray for all of my children, known and unknown. Not focusing too much on hope, excitement, and nerves is my way of coping with the long wait. I am letting it be and letting God do His work in me and my family in His timing. I am okay with waiting, I am at peace.
So Merry Christmas to my daughter Adeline. Even though I have not met you and do not know when I will, I love you from the bottom of my heart. And I thank Adeline's birth mother and father and pray for them and Adeline. Melkam Ganna!
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Friday, January 2, 2015
28 days later.....
Four weeks ago today was my surgery on my hip. So technically speaking I had arthroscopic surgery on my right hip with femoroplasty (shaving the femur bone), acetabularplasty (shaving the acetabulum), a labrum repair (cushion in the hip socket), and Psoas (ligament in hip flexor muscle) release, along with a cyst removed from my femur and some of the cartilage sewn back with the labrum.
Why all this you may ask......I tore my labrum at some point between October 2013 when I started running and February of 2014. Since then I have not really been able to exercise, relax my hip or have good range of motion. So I spent the summer insisting on testing and such to figure out for sure what was wrong....with the encouragement of some co-workers.
So December 5th I went to Georgetown to have my surgery. I expected it to take a couple hours, spend an hour in recovery and be home in the afternoon.....well the afternoon turned into evening. The surgery went well, they repaired and fixed everything they should have, as said above but they did have to make an extra incision because when he went in my hip was full of blood! So definite damage in my hip. So as far as I know surgery took the amount of expected time.....recovery took a lot longer! It is funny the things I remember, because I did not have general anesthesia, I had a spinal. So I remember going into the OR, the time out, and then laying down. When I woke up I heard the nurses talking about my heart rhythm....I was shivering severely. They couldn't tell if my heart rhythm was in A-Fib or just from shivering. Thankfully it was only shivering....which was uncontrollable. I could not stop shaking, she gave me some Fentanyl and it stopped.....since that experience and since with my pain.....one of my pain responses is shivering and getting very cold. I know it sounds strange and I think it is, but if I think about it, I would never rate my pain 10/10 in my entire life......but I shivered anytime it got high. My body's way of coping. So my recovery took longer because then instead of my hip hurting, my back and stomach began to hurt. Which turned out when I couldn't have anymore pain medicine and I thought about it, it was my bladder. It had been three hours without going to the bathroom and having continuous fluids going! Once I was able to go, I felt much better. So I spent about 4 hours in recovery instead of 1 or 2. Then I moved to "phase 2" recovery....where I got dressed and got discharged. We drove home and I showered and went to bed after dinner and medication.
So the weeks after.....pain was worse in the beginning and being on crutches was hard, but I built up my upper body and by the time I went back to the doctor I was done with the narcotics mostly. I began physical therapy the next day as well. I was shocked at how tired I was just in general. I did not expect to be so exhausted from everything. I (being my normal over achiever self) thought, whatever I will just be on crutches, other than that I will feel fine. Nope! Anyway, it has gotten better, I am currently still using one crutch with the advise of my physical therapist and much to my dismay. And I am still not driving but will have to next week. I will be done with the crutches soon. It is just there for support. So I thought I would be back to work a lot sooner but it will at least be another week if not a little more. Or just shorter shifts. We will have to see. So I am doing exercises that are just tightening individual muscles and stretching right now. Not allowed to do too much more than that. And I am not allowed to do the elliptical until at least 6 weeks out and no running for 3 months!
After all that is said, I am doing well, only taking medicine when I need it mostly at night. Getting around more, but still tired. I hope maybe this post may help someone who is going through the same thing and will update those who are wondering about me. I am thankful for all those who prayed for me and continue to pray. I was not anxious at all the day of surgery and did not need anything to calm me down.
Why all this you may ask......I tore my labrum at some point between October 2013 when I started running and February of 2014. Since then I have not really been able to exercise, relax my hip or have good range of motion. So I spent the summer insisting on testing and such to figure out for sure what was wrong....with the encouragement of some co-workers.
So December 5th I went to Georgetown to have my surgery. I expected it to take a couple hours, spend an hour in recovery and be home in the afternoon.....well the afternoon turned into evening. The surgery went well, they repaired and fixed everything they should have, as said above but they did have to make an extra incision because when he went in my hip was full of blood! So definite damage in my hip. So as far as I know surgery took the amount of expected time.....recovery took a lot longer! It is funny the things I remember, because I did not have general anesthesia, I had a spinal. So I remember going into the OR, the time out, and then laying down. When I woke up I heard the nurses talking about my heart rhythm....I was shivering severely. They couldn't tell if my heart rhythm was in A-Fib or just from shivering. Thankfully it was only shivering....which was uncontrollable. I could not stop shaking, she gave me some Fentanyl and it stopped.....since that experience and since with my pain.....one of my pain responses is shivering and getting very cold. I know it sounds strange and I think it is, but if I think about it, I would never rate my pain 10/10 in my entire life......but I shivered anytime it got high. My body's way of coping. So my recovery took longer because then instead of my hip hurting, my back and stomach began to hurt. Which turned out when I couldn't have anymore pain medicine and I thought about it, it was my bladder. It had been three hours without going to the bathroom and having continuous fluids going! Once I was able to go, I felt much better. So I spent about 4 hours in recovery instead of 1 or 2. Then I moved to "phase 2" recovery....where I got dressed and got discharged. We drove home and I showered and went to bed after dinner and medication.
So the weeks after.....pain was worse in the beginning and being on crutches was hard, but I built up my upper body and by the time I went back to the doctor I was done with the narcotics mostly. I began physical therapy the next day as well. I was shocked at how tired I was just in general. I did not expect to be so exhausted from everything. I (being my normal over achiever self) thought, whatever I will just be on crutches, other than that I will feel fine. Nope! Anyway, it has gotten better, I am currently still using one crutch with the advise of my physical therapist and much to my dismay. And I am still not driving but will have to next week. I will be done with the crutches soon. It is just there for support. So I thought I would be back to work a lot sooner but it will at least be another week if not a little more. Or just shorter shifts. We will have to see. So I am doing exercises that are just tightening individual muscles and stretching right now. Not allowed to do too much more than that. And I am not allowed to do the elliptical until at least 6 weeks out and no running for 3 months!
After all that is said, I am doing well, only taking medicine when I need it mostly at night. Getting around more, but still tired. I hope maybe this post may help someone who is going through the same thing and will update those who are wondering about me. I am thankful for all those who prayed for me and continue to pray. I was not anxious at all the day of surgery and did not need anything to calm me down.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Happy New Year
So I have been silent now for about a month I think....it has been long, busy, and tiring! I wanted to share more on the new year and my thoughts.
So I am seeing all over Facebook that some people are going to have the year of their lives and some are just glad to see 2014 go.....this last one makes me so sad! I cannot say I haven't been there before and felt like I needed a new year to "start fresh" but I sincerely hope that people aren't meaning that they regret the last year. I would have to say the hardest year in my life so far was sadly the year my daughter was born 2010. Do NOT get me wrong.....I love her to death, would do anything for her, and I enjoyed her as much as I could that year.....but it was hard. That year started out with having snow storm after snow storm and me being a nurse.....I am required to drive in the snow no matter what.....then while pregnant I ended up on bedrest because I went into A-fib....things were not too bad.....then I had my girl and was elated and joyful.....5 weeks later my dad passed away....which sent me into the most anxious and depressed I ever felt add to that the post-pregnancy hormones and going back to work all at once....I couldn't handle it. But that being said every moment of that year I do not regret....because that year shaped me into who I am right now. So my hope and prayer for those that did not have a great 2014 is that they do not regret it, because on the bright side....they are still living life and able to live life, most of them with people that they love. Live life to the fullest, it is a gift from God Himself! He loves us so much and I am sure it makes Him sad that people cannot wait for a "new year". How about instead of living for the "new year", live for the "new day". Each day is and can be a fresh start if you let it!
This brings me to the next point in regards to "the best year of my life" phrase. Okay, so I understand you know some of what will most likely occur in your new year.....we are looking forward to traveling to Florida for some time and going on a couple camping trips as a family. And last but not least getting out of debt. But I do not know if it will be a life changing "best year" year....no one actually knows that. And saying this I kind of feel like I am bursting bubbles, but why do we put so much emphasis on having a great new year??? We truly do not know....anything can happen. And maybe it is because of my life experiences that have made me look at it this way. Yes good things will happen, but don't count on it being your best year....count on a good year, and focus on the good. Not the bad or what could have been better, but all the good in your life. Every year no matter what is a good year....you are alive and able to live your life to the fullest!! Make every day a good day and enjoy something in that day even if most of it is not great. I need to take my own advise on that one!
Last but not least.....do not make resolutions....the definition of resolution is an answer or solution to something....meaning you have a problem in your life. Yeah we all have things we could change and maybe need to, but you and your life are not problems to solve. So I inspire you to make goals instead of resolutions. My goals are to exercise again (once given clearance from the dr), begin my journey to getting my bachelors (hopefully scholarship sponsored), and focus on better and healthier eating for my family and I. Another goal I have is to start running again without injuring myself, and I cannot wait to ride my bike with my family again! I just look forward to being able to do the things I enjoy without pain and able to run, play, and chase my daughter once again. Goals can be big or small.....no matter what they are just make them achievable! Don't set the bar too high!
So in review my 2014 was good......though I had a lot of pain associated with it....it was good. We added another dog to our family, my daughter is in pre-k and excelling especially at reading, Paul's work is going well, we had a wonderful beach vacation, we attended a few weddings, Paul's grandpa joined Christ in heaven, began our debt free journey, and I had surgery to fix my hip. Now I may be missing some things but those are the highlights....not all great things but it was still a good year.
In conclusion, the things I look forward to like I said are playing with my daughter and not being limited by pain. We will be going to Disney for the first time in my life even for only a day, and going beach and mountain camping. I look forward to watching my girl grow even more and excel in school, becoming debt free, and checking off another year of our Ethiopia adoption wait. I plan on trying to enjoy everyday for what it is and look forward to living in the moment. I hope everyone else tries to do the same.
So I am seeing all over Facebook that some people are going to have the year of their lives and some are just glad to see 2014 go.....this last one makes me so sad! I cannot say I haven't been there before and felt like I needed a new year to "start fresh" but I sincerely hope that people aren't meaning that they regret the last year. I would have to say the hardest year in my life so far was sadly the year my daughter was born 2010. Do NOT get me wrong.....I love her to death, would do anything for her, and I enjoyed her as much as I could that year.....but it was hard. That year started out with having snow storm after snow storm and me being a nurse.....I am required to drive in the snow no matter what.....then while pregnant I ended up on bedrest because I went into A-fib....things were not too bad.....then I had my girl and was elated and joyful.....5 weeks later my dad passed away....which sent me into the most anxious and depressed I ever felt add to that the post-pregnancy hormones and going back to work all at once....I couldn't handle it. But that being said every moment of that year I do not regret....because that year shaped me into who I am right now. So my hope and prayer for those that did not have a great 2014 is that they do not regret it, because on the bright side....they are still living life and able to live life, most of them with people that they love. Live life to the fullest, it is a gift from God Himself! He loves us so much and I am sure it makes Him sad that people cannot wait for a "new year". How about instead of living for the "new year", live for the "new day". Each day is and can be a fresh start if you let it!
This brings me to the next point in regards to "the best year of my life" phrase. Okay, so I understand you know some of what will most likely occur in your new year.....we are looking forward to traveling to Florida for some time and going on a couple camping trips as a family. And last but not least getting out of debt. But I do not know if it will be a life changing "best year" year....no one actually knows that. And saying this I kind of feel like I am bursting bubbles, but why do we put so much emphasis on having a great new year??? We truly do not know....anything can happen. And maybe it is because of my life experiences that have made me look at it this way. Yes good things will happen, but don't count on it being your best year....count on a good year, and focus on the good. Not the bad or what could have been better, but all the good in your life. Every year no matter what is a good year....you are alive and able to live your life to the fullest!! Make every day a good day and enjoy something in that day even if most of it is not great. I need to take my own advise on that one!
Last but not least.....do not make resolutions....the definition of resolution is an answer or solution to something....meaning you have a problem in your life. Yeah we all have things we could change and maybe need to, but you and your life are not problems to solve. So I inspire you to make goals instead of resolutions. My goals are to exercise again (once given clearance from the dr), begin my journey to getting my bachelors (hopefully scholarship sponsored), and focus on better and healthier eating for my family and I. Another goal I have is to start running again without injuring myself, and I cannot wait to ride my bike with my family again! I just look forward to being able to do the things I enjoy without pain and able to run, play, and chase my daughter once again. Goals can be big or small.....no matter what they are just make them achievable! Don't set the bar too high!
So in review my 2014 was good......though I had a lot of pain associated with it....it was good. We added another dog to our family, my daughter is in pre-k and excelling especially at reading, Paul's work is going well, we had a wonderful beach vacation, we attended a few weddings, Paul's grandpa joined Christ in heaven, began our debt free journey, and I had surgery to fix my hip. Now I may be missing some things but those are the highlights....not all great things but it was still a good year.
In conclusion, the things I look forward to like I said are playing with my daughter and not being limited by pain. We will be going to Disney for the first time in my life even for only a day, and going beach and mountain camping. I look forward to watching my girl grow even more and excel in school, becoming debt free, and checking off another year of our Ethiopia adoption wait. I plan on trying to enjoy everyday for what it is and look forward to living in the moment. I hope everyone else tries to do the same.
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