Melkam Ganna Adeline!

Today January 7th is when Ethiopians celebrate Christmas. So Melkam Ganna! Almost 3 years ago we  decided to adopt and to adopt from Ethiopia. We decided on Ethiopia because that is where we felt God wanted us to adopt from....either that or China. Well, at the time we were not old enough to adopt from China, and now that we are old enough.....even given the opportunity to change programs recently we haven't. Why you may ask....God has called us to wait for our daughter. When we started the process our wait time was 18-24 months from application to referral (profile). Unknown to us.....our wait time would increase to 36-42 months from the time your papers were submitted to Ethiopia for a referral. Three years ago I was so excited, nervous, and hopeful and focused on raising funds for our adoption of Adeline. As I write this I write it with all the honesty in the world. I do not feel those things anymore and have not done a lot of fundraising. Having said that....it does not mean that I do not want to adopt anymore or that I have stopped all together with fundraising. My world is no longer consumed with "adoption paper chasing". Those who know adoption or know all the running around I did a few years ago knows what this means.

This is what waiting feels like. Waiting is the unknown part of adoption. The first portion when you start the process is getting your home study paperwork, then your dossier paperwork ready to send to the country you chose. And raising money for this stuff too.....almost half of the costs occur within the first half of your adoption. Once you send your dossier and it sits in country for a while....your hopes are still high....still waiting and dreaming of your soon to be child. Just as if you were pregnant....except this is the longest "pregnancy" I have ever heard of!! As time goes on, you continue to live your life, paying attention to your spouse, and other children if you have them. This is the part of adoption I feel isn't talked about enough. We have friends who have adopted in the past....mostly from China....all of their adoptions completed within two years of starting the process. This sometimes feels truly unfair and sometimes if I let myself....not often....jealousy can take over along with sadness. Because if you had asked me three years ago or even a year and half ago....I would have told you with every confidence that we would have our daughter home now. That was not God's plan for us....and probably at this point a good plan since the last month, I haven't been able to do much of anything for myself let alone anyone else....or lets say it has been difficult. So this is where we wait in limbo....for who knows how much longer. Paul and I talk about our adoption and our future daughter....not nearly as much as we used to. I dream and think about her and what she will look like, how old she will be, what she will be like, and how my girls will get along. I pray for all of my children, known and unknown. Not focusing too much on hope, excitement, and nerves is my way of coping with the long wait. I am letting it be and letting God do His work in me and my family in His timing. I am okay with waiting, I am at peace.

So Merry Christmas to my daughter Adeline. Even though I have not met you and do not know when I will, I love you from the bottom of my heart. And I thank Adeline's birth mother and father and pray for them and Adeline. Melkam Ganna!