So today didn't quite turn out exactly the way I would like and didn't start off the greatest. Belle woke up at 0630 today and was cranky and extremely difficult!! She threw a tantrum immediately and continued to throw them. However, this was because she was tired. She also refuses to go to the potty for me, yet she sits fine on the toilet for Paul and goes hourly and pees for my mom. And then trying to get her to take a nap today was awful! I ended up putting her in our bed and napping with her, because every time I put her into her bed she freaked out totally! After her nap though up until now for bed has been very pleasant and happy. But it seems we are needing to teach her to sleep on her own again. Anyway, that is my parenting woes for now.
This morning I called to see if the estimate on the work for our house was ready. He called back about half hour later. I was dreading it. He told me everything that needed to be done which is, lifting the house, digging new footers, placing new columns, and readjusting the current beam. The grand total was $4500! I was shocked! I thought it would be more like $10,000. I felt so relieved and blessed. I did have to tell him that I need a week to figure out financing though, because of Paul's job loss. We are in the process of trying to figure out what we need to do. Either asking people to loan us money and pay them back once Paul has a job or worst case we will have to take out a personal loan or credit card. Now I am not a fan of this and normally would not do this or recommend it, but we do not have enough in our savings account to pay outright for it on top of not knowing when Paul will find another job. So we are praying that God will provide a way to do this as well.
Then all day it seems Paul has either gotten calls about jobs, stopped to see about them and no one needs anyone now but will in a few weeks. So Paul has prospects but just not right now. Though he did get another call tonight that he missed asking for a call back at one of the local shops. Paul is also trying to figure out if this is really what he wants to do for the rest of his career life. I am afraid that the same thing will happen at another shop that happened at the last and I am also concerned about money because with him working commission it is inconsistent and usually does not include benefits. Which puts me at a loss because I want to work part time and be home. And at part time hours the benefits at work more than double.
When Paul checked the mail today, there was a note and check from a friend too. Our friend said to use it for whatever we need whether for bills and such or our adoption. I am very touched by this and so thankful! It is so generous and such a blessing!
We both feel that God is taking care of us and blessing us. Paul I think is getting the message that number one God is taking care of us and number two this is what he needs to stick with doing for right now. However, we both feel God pulling us toward ministry more and more. We are wanting more and more to do missions and help other people. I am not sure what God has in store for us there as far as that is concerned, as of right now we will wait for him to reveal his plan to us.
And with all this blessing did come a Satan attack. Mostly on me, which ended up affecting Paul too, because basically I blew up on him and cursed. I am not proud of this, but also after my post last night about Christians being sinners too, I figured this was a good example. He really didn't deserve it, but I did what I call a verbal vomit. I basically told him everything that I was feeling at the time without regard to what I was saying and how it would make him feel. Hence the vomit part. I know the mental image is not so pretty but what I did was not so pretty either. So Satan was trying to get me and our marriage at the same time. Not that it is Satan's fault for my actions. I have asked Paul and God to forgive me already. And I know they both have. I am not perfect and never will be, but all I can do is try to improve and ask God for help to be the woman, wife, and mother he wants me to be.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Rant
Alright, so I am going to rant for a minute here. I am seeing so much on facebook about Chick-Fil-A and not supporting gay rights and people's disapproval of that. So here it goes. God call us to love one another, to even love our enemies. Jesus sat, dined, hugged, and spent loads of time with sinners. Now, I work with people who are openly homosexual. I like them and love them as people. Do I approve of their lifestyle? No, I don't and I am open about my beliefs. Will I support their marriage by attending their wedding? No, but I will be happy for them as a person, that they are happy. Do I go up to them and say "I think you are wrong for living the way you do."? No I don't. I accept them for who they are, I do not judge them. Judging is not my right, it's Gods. We are all sinners, whether it is lying, cheating, homosexuality, murder, or jealousy. The only thing that really matters is our relationship with Jesus Christ and no one can say what that is except that person whether they are saved. And even once you are saved, guess what?! You still sin!! Guess what now? God still loves you! His love is unconditional! So no matter what sin you commit, God loves you! And God calls us to be like him in mind and spirit! So to be like him in mind and spirit you love all people no matter what. No matter what their past is, their sexual orientation, or how they choose to live their life now.
And as far as Chick-Fil-A goes for being honest and open about their stand on gay marriage, that is what they believe. It is no different from what I believe and I will support the company because I agree with them. When you think about this company and their beliefs, also think to yourself and ask yourself these questions. Are they shutting the doors to gay couples? Are they discriminating against gay couples and not serving them? Are they protesting against gay marriage? If the answers to your questions are no, then what's the problem? If there is a problem then it is you. You are the one discriminating against those who want to believe what the Bible says and you are discriminating against those who believe that it is wrong.
All I want to do is give a little perspective with all of the media out there bashing this company. And a lot of times it is not Christians who are discriminating against homosexuals, it is the other way around. We are discriminated against and called names, cursed at, and told that we are "old fashioned", or politically incorrect. So think about it, are they telling you they won't serve you or accept you if you come into their store? Or are they just stating their beliefs. Which may I add our constitutional right! And our country was founded on God and the Bible, and look at how far and how messed up our country is now.
Personally, I just want to show Christ's love to others, accept them for who they are, and live my life according to God's will. If someone asks what I believe, I will tell them openly, but I will not tell someone that they are living their life wrong, because most have heard it already. I can invite them to church, but I will not judge them, it's not my place nor does it belong to anyone else but God.
And as far as Chick-Fil-A goes for being honest and open about their stand on gay marriage, that is what they believe. It is no different from what I believe and I will support the company because I agree with them. When you think about this company and their beliefs, also think to yourself and ask yourself these questions. Are they shutting the doors to gay couples? Are they discriminating against gay couples and not serving them? Are they protesting against gay marriage? If the answers to your questions are no, then what's the problem? If there is a problem then it is you. You are the one discriminating against those who want to believe what the Bible says and you are discriminating against those who believe that it is wrong.
All I want to do is give a little perspective with all of the media out there bashing this company. And a lot of times it is not Christians who are discriminating against homosexuals, it is the other way around. We are discriminated against and called names, cursed at, and told that we are "old fashioned", or politically incorrect. So think about it, are they telling you they won't serve you or accept you if you come into their store? Or are they just stating their beliefs. Which may I add our constitutional right! And our country was founded on God and the Bible, and look at how far and how messed up our country is now.
Personally, I just want to show Christ's love to others, accept them for who they are, and live my life according to God's will. If someone asks what I believe, I will tell them openly, but I will not tell someone that they are living their life wrong, because most have heard it already. I can invite them to church, but I will not judge them, it's not my place nor does it belong to anyone else but God.
Exhausted
So this week has been decent. Work has been eerily "okay". I don't and won't use what we call the "s" or "q" word afraid to jinx us! Not that I really am superstitious but it does seem to get busy when we use those words! Anyway, I worked Monday and Tuesday. Monday was extra and I stayed for the money and then on Tuesday got paid on call for eight hours which took away any overtime I was going to get! I did make four hours extra but still I signed up for the overtime! Whatever, I probably needed the break anyway. I took it as God saying take a break and do things you have been intending to do. So I cleaned a little, chilled, and worked on my adoption quilt that I am making. I am no where near done, but got a lot done too. Today I worked 3a-3p and I am tired to say the least! That is a hard shift to work, but I did it to help out our unit, plus I got night shift differential, so that won't hurt.
Paul has been filling in at a local shop this week for someone on vacation. Which that has been a blessing and we are praying he will find something else soon. It has been weird though because he is home and not and home again. He followed up on some leads but nothing so far at least nothing right now. Paul also called the contractor about the house and we should know tomorrow what needs to be done and how much it will cost.
As far as adoption stuff is concerned, we are slowly working on it. I did however score a hall for free so we can do a luncheon or something on December 9th! I wanted to show a movie, but you have to purchase licensing and that can be $100 and up. So I am going to see if a friends dad can donate his talent and play us Christmas music. Someone gave me the idea of doing dessert and coffee over spaghetti. I am not sure yet though. But that would cost less and be a little easier. So we will see! I am excited about that though because that could bring in some good money for the adoption! We will also hold a silent auction along with whatever we do, and I will have activities for the kids. I am also thinking of an "It's a Wonderful Life" theme. I love that movie and it reminds me of my grandmother who I know would encourage our adoption and fully support it!
Belle is so cute too. I haven't bragged about her much lately, but I am amazed at how smart she is! She can count to ten, recognize letters of the alphabet, and is working on shapes and colors! She is so cute too! The only time she is not so cute is when she is hitting, throwing a complete fit, or won't go to bed. But even then she is still beautiful and I love my independent, strong willed girl to death! No matter what she brightens my day everyday. And I cannot wait to expand my love, attention, and affection to my other daughter who is out there just waiting for me!
Paul has been filling in at a local shop this week for someone on vacation. Which that has been a blessing and we are praying he will find something else soon. It has been weird though because he is home and not and home again. He followed up on some leads but nothing so far at least nothing right now. Paul also called the contractor about the house and we should know tomorrow what needs to be done and how much it will cost.
As far as adoption stuff is concerned, we are slowly working on it. I did however score a hall for free so we can do a luncheon or something on December 9th! I wanted to show a movie, but you have to purchase licensing and that can be $100 and up. So I am going to see if a friends dad can donate his talent and play us Christmas music. Someone gave me the idea of doing dessert and coffee over spaghetti. I am not sure yet though. But that would cost less and be a little easier. So we will see! I am excited about that though because that could bring in some good money for the adoption! We will also hold a silent auction along with whatever we do, and I will have activities for the kids. I am also thinking of an "It's a Wonderful Life" theme. I love that movie and it reminds me of my grandmother who I know would encourage our adoption and fully support it!
Belle is so cute too. I haven't bragged about her much lately, but I am amazed at how smart she is! She can count to ten, recognize letters of the alphabet, and is working on shapes and colors! She is so cute too! The only time she is not so cute is when she is hitting, throwing a complete fit, or won't go to bed. But even then she is still beautiful and I love my independent, strong willed girl to death! No matter what she brightens my day everyday. And I cannot wait to expand my love, attention, and affection to my other daughter who is out there just waiting for me!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Rainy, sad days
So, since Wednesday when I last posted I have either worked all day or have been off and it has been rainy or overcast and depressing! Add on top of that my already feeling defeated mood regarding our adoption, Paul's job, and just in general being overly tired. This does not make for a good combination! Oh and add my hormones! Really bad now! So poor Paul has had to put up with my mood swings, tiredness and overall cranky attitude. I am sad because of all the recent events and right now I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. All I see is darkness ahead and it's not comforting. I know that this is what Satan wants and I am determined not to let him win, but it is also hard at the same time to fight back when I feel so tired that I don't think I have any fight left.
Although this mornings sermon and worship helped. One song in particular I even cried. The chorus goes "He loves us, Oh how he loves us, Oh how he loves". That part really got me, because no matter how sad or cranky, or nasty I am he loves me. And he loves me so much that he will take care of me, I just need to trust him. My anxiety has been awful lately. I have been anxious about cleaning, money, you name it, I've been anxious about it. But I am working on communicating with Paul about it, praying about it, and calming myself down. A peace actually came over me when I sang that song and that is what brought the tears. It was almost as if God himself was saying I love you Tiff, trust me, I've got this. So for right now this is my song.
It has been a good few days though. We went to a baseball game last night, although we left early because it was cold and rainy, we still had fun. And I have truly started our adoption quilt that I will auction off. We have also decided as for people outside of Paul, Belle, and I we are going to do a homemade Christmas. I just have to decide what to make for who now and find the time! Paul actually wants to help too. Also, Paul heard about another job close to home that is a possibility and he sent a resume to the owner. And praise God he has work this week, as a fill in for a guy that is on vacation at another shop. And he has a few side jobs to do.
One of the things that has me upset too, is I feel like I need to be doing more for our adoption than I am. But there is not much more that I can do at this moment. I cannot change that our doctor appointment got cancelled. And that we need our notary to go with us. I hate not being in control and I am not very patient. But Paul said something yesterday, that was "maybe we are not supposed to be doing much for the adoption right now". I had never thought of it that way. That God has a plan with these road blocks and that it isn't supposed to continue going this quickly. I truly think God is teaching me to fully trust, and rely on him. The reason I think this is because, honestly, Paul and I have never had to truly worry or struggle for most anything that we wanted or needed. Yes things have been tight, really tight but not to the point that we had to think about everything that we spent. So I am learning how to trust that he will provide, and I am banking on him providing something better than we thought of, that will give us what we need and the desires of our heart. He is also teaching me patience through all this, that everything is in his timing. Learning is hard but no one ever said it would be easy. Especially learning life lessons, academics is easier!
Although this mornings sermon and worship helped. One song in particular I even cried. The chorus goes "He loves us, Oh how he loves us, Oh how he loves". That part really got me, because no matter how sad or cranky, or nasty I am he loves me. And he loves me so much that he will take care of me, I just need to trust him. My anxiety has been awful lately. I have been anxious about cleaning, money, you name it, I've been anxious about it. But I am working on communicating with Paul about it, praying about it, and calming myself down. A peace actually came over me when I sang that song and that is what brought the tears. It was almost as if God himself was saying I love you Tiff, trust me, I've got this. So for right now this is my song.
It has been a good few days though. We went to a baseball game last night, although we left early because it was cold and rainy, we still had fun. And I have truly started our adoption quilt that I will auction off. We have also decided as for people outside of Paul, Belle, and I we are going to do a homemade Christmas. I just have to decide what to make for who now and find the time! Paul actually wants to help too. Also, Paul heard about another job close to home that is a possibility and he sent a resume to the owner. And praise God he has work this week, as a fill in for a guy that is on vacation at another shop. And he has a few side jobs to do.
One of the things that has me upset too, is I feel like I need to be doing more for our adoption than I am. But there is not much more that I can do at this moment. I cannot change that our doctor appointment got cancelled. And that we need our notary to go with us. I hate not being in control and I am not very patient. But Paul said something yesterday, that was "maybe we are not supposed to be doing much for the adoption right now". I had never thought of it that way. That God has a plan with these road blocks and that it isn't supposed to continue going this quickly. I truly think God is teaching me to fully trust, and rely on him. The reason I think this is because, honestly, Paul and I have never had to truly worry or struggle for most anything that we wanted or needed. Yes things have been tight, really tight but not to the point that we had to think about everything that we spent. So I am learning how to trust that he will provide, and I am banking on him providing something better than we thought of, that will give us what we need and the desires of our heart. He is also teaching me patience through all this, that everything is in his timing. Learning is hard but no one ever said it would be easy. Especially learning life lessons, academics is easier!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Unexpectedly busy
Today was pretty good. Paul let me sleep in again since Belle was up at 6am and I slept until 8! I was on a good role of getting stuff done, and talked to mom this morning. Then I called the dentist again because I was having pressure pain in my root canal tooth again after my filling I had redone last week. So thankfully they got me in today because otherwise, I would have to wait another week. I stopped by mom's so she could see Belle, which we stayed longer than planned but that was good. And we were still at her house at lunch so she gave us coupons for Chick-Fil-A since we had free sandwich coupons. Paul met us up there while he was out job searching. Then Belle and I went to the library and farmers market. I ran into the daycare provider I use in our neighborhood and told her I may need her for the fall and she said that's fine! That was a relief to know that I have someone close if I need it once Paul gets another job. Then we played in the pool and now we are just relaxing together.
I am still struggling some with the job and money aspect of recent events. But I heard an old hymn today that reminded me number one that I don't have it so bad, and number two all needs to be alright with me because this is part of what God's ultimate plan is. The song was It is well by Horatio G. Spafford, for some who don't know the lyrics is goes like this:
I am still struggling some with the job and money aspect of recent events. But I heard an old hymn today that reminded me number one that I don't have it so bad, and number two all needs to be alright with me because this is part of what God's ultimate plan is. The song was It is well by Horatio G. Spafford, for some who don't know the lyrics is goes like this:
- When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.- Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
- Refrain:
- Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul. - My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! - For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul. - But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul! - And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Clearing things up
Yesterday when I posted I complained a bit about work. But I really wasn't intending to do so. It was more expressing my frustrations and talking about how I am feeling attacked by Satan. When I spoke about my job and hating it it had nothing to do with my coworkers. I work with good women. I am just being attacked and I am tired and frustrated. So there was frustration there but it really had nothing to do with anyone else but me and my feelings. And everything else in my life that is going on did spill over into that day and my bad attitude. I appreciate my job I usually enjoy it and i enjoy working with the people I do most of the time. It is hard when I love differently and act different. Sometimes I feel judged but most of the time I could care less what others think. Just wanted to clarify that I wasn't tying to point fingers or anything I was just expressing being attacked by Satan.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Satan attacks
Things have been tough the last couple days. I honestly don't remember when exactly I last wrote, but I think it was Wednesday and I was already feeling emotional and attacked. So yesterday, Thursday, I went to work with a horrible attitude and I am sure my coworkers did not appreciate it. Anyway the day at work turned out emotional and frustrating to the point that I didn't want to be there anymore. I am feeling like I want to be home with Belle and be around more, and I want to be involved in church more. Needless to say my day at work was not a good one, not bad but not good either.
Once I got home my evening got worse. Belle wouldn't go to sleep and didn't until after 9. But the worst of all was the news that Paul got laid off without warning. And without reason. He is supposed to go to work tomorrow and maybe help with some stuff but mostly to pack his stuff up and leave. His boss is giving him a few weeks of severance, and Paul will be starting his job search, he has already made a few phone calls to friends. So our "roof" caved in on our lives last night. We are currently in recovery mode and survival. We are praying he finds a job quickly, so we don't have to dip into our savings. So all of this happened on top of the footers on the house "leaning" and needing to get the house lifted. Not sure what that will cost yet either and adoption stuff. This may hinder the adoption for a bit if Paul has to be somewhere for a certain amount of time first. And he will need to get another verification of employment letter from his new employer when he gets one and they feel comfortable saying he isn't going anywhere. The thing that makes both of us most angry is that his boss from this job wrote that verification letter a few weeks ago, notarized and everything! And full well knowing this would screw things up and that he was lying when he wrote it. At least that is what I believe. And I will be hesitant to trust anyone anymore.
Today we went to get our "free" gift card and our vouchers for hotels to take a vacation. They tried to sell us a timeshare and we would if we could, but we can't. But the gift card paid for the trip and we spent some time as a family. We also picked up my holter monitor that I have to wear for 24 hours because of the persistent PAC's that I have daily. And we got Belle's PPD read which was of course negative. Tomorrow we both have to go into work and Sunday we go to church and then have to get my bridesmaid dress and Belle's flower girl dress.
So Satan is on the move and attacking my family, but he will not win! I will not let him! God will carry us through and I will see the light and not chose to focus on the dark. I will do everything in my power to make sure things are right with our family and our adoption. I know Satan does not want us adopting and doing God's will, but I will fight him tooth and nail. I already told him to beat it and leave us alone last night and asked God to bring good out of this and I know He will. All things are part of His master plan good and bad. I know and keep telling myself that he will never leave me or forsake me, that I can do all things through him who strengthens me. And Satan is going down, he will not win! He will not get the best of me!
Once I got home my evening got worse. Belle wouldn't go to sleep and didn't until after 9. But the worst of all was the news that Paul got laid off without warning. And without reason. He is supposed to go to work tomorrow and maybe help with some stuff but mostly to pack his stuff up and leave. His boss is giving him a few weeks of severance, and Paul will be starting his job search, he has already made a few phone calls to friends. So our "roof" caved in on our lives last night. We are currently in recovery mode and survival. We are praying he finds a job quickly, so we don't have to dip into our savings. So all of this happened on top of the footers on the house "leaning" and needing to get the house lifted. Not sure what that will cost yet either and adoption stuff. This may hinder the adoption for a bit if Paul has to be somewhere for a certain amount of time first. And he will need to get another verification of employment letter from his new employer when he gets one and they feel comfortable saying he isn't going anywhere. The thing that makes both of us most angry is that his boss from this job wrote that verification letter a few weeks ago, notarized and everything! And full well knowing this would screw things up and that he was lying when he wrote it. At least that is what I believe. And I will be hesitant to trust anyone anymore.
Today we went to get our "free" gift card and our vouchers for hotels to take a vacation. They tried to sell us a timeshare and we would if we could, but we can't. But the gift card paid for the trip and we spent some time as a family. We also picked up my holter monitor that I have to wear for 24 hours because of the persistent PAC's that I have daily. And we got Belle's PPD read which was of course negative. Tomorrow we both have to go into work and Sunday we go to church and then have to get my bridesmaid dress and Belle's flower girl dress.
So Satan is on the move and attacking my family, but he will not win! I will not let him! God will carry us through and I will see the light and not chose to focus on the dark. I will do everything in my power to make sure things are right with our family and our adoption. I know Satan does not want us adopting and doing God's will, but I will fight him tooth and nail. I already told him to beat it and leave us alone last night and asked God to bring good out of this and I know He will. All things are part of His master plan good and bad. I know and keep telling myself that he will never leave me or forsake me, that I can do all things through him who strengthens me. And Satan is going down, he will not win! He will not get the best of me!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Another busy day
So today was busy and sad. I attended a funeral for a wonderful woman who met Jesus on Saturday night. It was a lovely service and celebration of her life. She was known for her hugs at church and always being joyful and having a smile on her face. She had been sick for a long time, but even in her illness always smiled and hugged others. She had a joy about her that I only wish I could obtain. I really wish I could ask her just that, "How do you always stay joyful and how do I obtain that?" I know the answer is in Jesus and I have Him in my life, but what about those days that you just are not feeling joyful. I guess I need to surround myself more with joyful Bible verses and such. That was this morning and I drove like a mad woman to get there on time or close to it. Then I rushed home to take Belle to her doctors appointment.
Her appointment went well she got her ppd and I couldn't have been more proud. She sat and watched them with the needle, she flinched a little but had no tears or screams!
The other thing that went on today was we had the contractor back out to look at the house and take measurements in the crawl space. Well, from what I can understand there are two footers that are leaning way to the side and pushing the main support beam which is causing the slopes of the floor, the nail pops in the ceiling and in the floor. So we are now waiting for an estimate. And essentially from what I understand, our beams are leaning and our house could potentially fall over/in if those beams fall down. Great!! We will have to get the house lifted and those beams replaced and I will have them make sure that the grading is better so the crawl space doesn't flood again and we don't get this problem again. So I am praying that with the adoption and everything this doesn't cost too much. We are thinking we will have to take out a loan depending on the cost. So that is my news on the house. I am however thanking God that our house is still standing and that we have a house.
Her appointment went well she got her ppd and I couldn't have been more proud. She sat and watched them with the needle, she flinched a little but had no tears or screams!
The other thing that went on today was we had the contractor back out to look at the house and take measurements in the crawl space. Well, from what I can understand there are two footers that are leaning way to the side and pushing the main support beam which is causing the slopes of the floor, the nail pops in the ceiling and in the floor. So we are now waiting for an estimate. And essentially from what I understand, our beams are leaning and our house could potentially fall over/in if those beams fall down. Great!! We will have to get the house lifted and those beams replaced and I will have them make sure that the grading is better so the crawl space doesn't flood again and we don't get this problem again. So I am praying that with the adoption and everything this doesn't cost too much. We are thinking we will have to take out a loan depending on the cost. So that is my news on the house. I am however thanking God that our house is still standing and that we have a house.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Busy week and weekend
So, this week was crazy for our family! I worked most of the week, all but Monday and Wednesday. Which as everyone knows Wednesday was the fourth of July. So that evening was not spent at home but at my mom's to celebrate. Then yesterday we had our first home study visit, which was our group orientation, then we went to a wedding in the evening. Today was church and home that's it! So unfortunately I didn't get to see or spend much time with Belle which made me very sad and miss her a lot. So I ended up being a little cranky and emotional at times. Just ask Paul, he'll tell you!
And one great blessing for the week, we found out we won a vacation! We entered a contest at a ball game and won! We won a couple nights in Williamsburg and a few nights in Orlando! We just have to listen to them give their pitch for an hour and half and get our vouchers. We will do that this Friday. So the hotels are covered and we just have to pay for incidentals! We have a year to use it. So God blessed us with vacations!
As for work days they were decent. I did have the option a few times to go home early, but I chose not to because number one I want the money and number two, I don't want to use my leave. I am saving it for Ethiopia and time off after we get home. Wednesday was good, however, I was sad. I missed my dad a bit because I remember the holiday growing up with him. We would grill out, spend the day at the pool and then he would turn his truck the opposite way on the street so we could sit in the bed of the truck and watch the fireworks out in front of the house. Then he and mom would go downstairs to watch the Boston Pops while we watched tv or went to bed. Anyway, we went to the pool and napped and everything, then went to moms for a cookout and fireworks with family and friends. It is nice to do that, but I think sometime soon we may just do an individual family thing because everything is just so busy! We had a good time though and Belle spent the night at moms. She came home the next night though after we worked and everything. Mom started watching her this week too, so she was there almost all week. And yesterday on our way to the adoption agency we dropped Belle off once again at moms and left her there for the night since we had the wedding to go to as well.
The home study orientation went great. We turned in papers that needed to be, we met other couples adopting from Ethiopia. And we learned some more things about adoption and coping with our child once she gets home. We learned about some discipline and attachment things and how our own experiences can guide how we treat our children. Anyway, it was good. Paul and I talked a little to the other couples but not too much, sometimes we are kind of shy in areas like that. At one point I did feel like less or like I wasn't doing it for the right reason when I heard people talking about missions and other things they have done that drove them to adopt. Our reason is completely different, but all the same God put it in our path and directed us this way just not the same way He has directed others. Sometimes, it is hard to remember that because I fear judgement and ridicule for not having a better reason. It's stupid but it's the truth.
The wedding was of a friend and co-worker and it was beautiful. She looked beautiful and I wish and pray the best for them. The only thing that bothered me was the catholic ceremony, mostly because I don't understand the religion and their rituals in any way. I found it sad that I didn't see a single Bible for anyone to pick up and read, just predetermined books that they had. And I also found it sad and so impersonal that the priest read prayers from a book instead of just praying. Then he went on about the reason to marry is essentially to procreate. Not much more to it than that according to him. Anyway, that's my vent on that. We had a great time otherwise and Paul and I just enjoyed being with each other in general yesterday and talking about everything.
Today in church I was feeling and I think have been feeling God calling me toward something else. I think He is giving me a more servants heart and wants me to serve in a different way, possibly with my career. Not sure what or when yet but I think I am certain that changes will come in His time and be the right changes. I am feeling like I want to be home more with Belle and with our other little girl when she comes home, and that I need to be more involved with our church. He wants me to serve Him and be more of a member of that community rather than my work community. I want to get involved in missions and serving Him. I don't know when like I said but I know changes are coming along and on top of our adoption.
Now today has been a difficult day trying to get Belle to sleep. I think her schedule is all messed up from last week and spending nights at moms, that now she won't sleep at home. It is almost 9 pm and she is still not asleep and she was up at 4 am!! Yet, I know she is tired, she won't do it. Thankfully tomorrow, my errands will be on my own and I have people to watch her while I go to appointments so she can stay home.
There are some other things going on concerning our adoption and friends adopting as well, and I ask for prayers for all of us. And prayers for all of us financially that God knows and will provide what we need.
Today the sermon was on being content, and how to find it. Basically it all relates to rejoicing and trusting God. Trusting that God knows what He is doing and He cares for and loves you unconditionally. See Phillipians 4:4-12 for reference. That's all I think I have for today. Thanks for listening!
And one great blessing for the week, we found out we won a vacation! We entered a contest at a ball game and won! We won a couple nights in Williamsburg and a few nights in Orlando! We just have to listen to them give their pitch for an hour and half and get our vouchers. We will do that this Friday. So the hotels are covered and we just have to pay for incidentals! We have a year to use it. So God blessed us with vacations!
As for work days they were decent. I did have the option a few times to go home early, but I chose not to because number one I want the money and number two, I don't want to use my leave. I am saving it for Ethiopia and time off after we get home. Wednesday was good, however, I was sad. I missed my dad a bit because I remember the holiday growing up with him. We would grill out, spend the day at the pool and then he would turn his truck the opposite way on the street so we could sit in the bed of the truck and watch the fireworks out in front of the house. Then he and mom would go downstairs to watch the Boston Pops while we watched tv or went to bed. Anyway, we went to the pool and napped and everything, then went to moms for a cookout and fireworks with family and friends. It is nice to do that, but I think sometime soon we may just do an individual family thing because everything is just so busy! We had a good time though and Belle spent the night at moms. She came home the next night though after we worked and everything. Mom started watching her this week too, so she was there almost all week. And yesterday on our way to the adoption agency we dropped Belle off once again at moms and left her there for the night since we had the wedding to go to as well.
The home study orientation went great. We turned in papers that needed to be, we met other couples adopting from Ethiopia. And we learned some more things about adoption and coping with our child once she gets home. We learned about some discipline and attachment things and how our own experiences can guide how we treat our children. Anyway, it was good. Paul and I talked a little to the other couples but not too much, sometimes we are kind of shy in areas like that. At one point I did feel like less or like I wasn't doing it for the right reason when I heard people talking about missions and other things they have done that drove them to adopt. Our reason is completely different, but all the same God put it in our path and directed us this way just not the same way He has directed others. Sometimes, it is hard to remember that because I fear judgement and ridicule for not having a better reason. It's stupid but it's the truth.
The wedding was of a friend and co-worker and it was beautiful. She looked beautiful and I wish and pray the best for them. The only thing that bothered me was the catholic ceremony, mostly because I don't understand the religion and their rituals in any way. I found it sad that I didn't see a single Bible for anyone to pick up and read, just predetermined books that they had. And I also found it sad and so impersonal that the priest read prayers from a book instead of just praying. Then he went on about the reason to marry is essentially to procreate. Not much more to it than that according to him. Anyway, that's my vent on that. We had a great time otherwise and Paul and I just enjoyed being with each other in general yesterday and talking about everything.
Today in church I was feeling and I think have been feeling God calling me toward something else. I think He is giving me a more servants heart and wants me to serve in a different way, possibly with my career. Not sure what or when yet but I think I am certain that changes will come in His time and be the right changes. I am feeling like I want to be home more with Belle and with our other little girl when she comes home, and that I need to be more involved with our church. He wants me to serve Him and be more of a member of that community rather than my work community. I want to get involved in missions and serving Him. I don't know when like I said but I know changes are coming along and on top of our adoption.
Now today has been a difficult day trying to get Belle to sleep. I think her schedule is all messed up from last week and spending nights at moms, that now she won't sleep at home. It is almost 9 pm and she is still not asleep and she was up at 4 am!! Yet, I know she is tired, she won't do it. Thankfully tomorrow, my errands will be on my own and I have people to watch her while I go to appointments so she can stay home.
There are some other things going on concerning our adoption and friends adopting as well, and I ask for prayers for all of us. And prayers for all of us financially that God knows and will provide what we need.
Today the sermon was on being content, and how to find it. Basically it all relates to rejoicing and trusting God. Trusting that God knows what He is doing and He cares for and loves you unconditionally. See Phillipians 4:4-12 for reference. That's all I think I have for today. Thanks for listening!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Interesting day
This morning started with hearing Paul in the kitchen kind of banging around. I knew though it was from the ants that were there last night that he was taking care of them again. Then Belle got up soon after that. The morning started off good, and I thought to try some potty training with Belle. That went okay at first but then turned really sour by 10am. She was screaming and kicking me when I tried to put a pull up on her. So she ended up in a diaper again and wants to be in a diaper. So fail one. Second fail was trying to take care of more ants and repel them with used coffee grounds, and kill them with vinegar water. Then the third fail was I had given Belle lunch and she was eating a pretzel which she dropped part of it on the floor where Paul had used pesticide for the ants this morning and after I tell her to throw it away, what does she do....she eats it of course! So then I call Paul upset because now she may have ingested some pesticide. Then I make the call to poison control. They said that small amount would do nothing to her. So sigh of relief. On top of all that I cleaned our bedroom and did a load of laundry and will be doing another. As well as doing dishes, cleaning the kitchen up some, and making dinner. Hopefully we will get to the pool today too. Belle loves the pool! I don't mind it either! ;-)
And upon doing my devotion this morning, I read about saying "No". As parents we run and run and go and go. Non-stop. Whether it is to the store, taking care of everyone, random errands, soccer, dance, etc. When do we really get a break? When do we take the time for a break? Well, the bible gives us an example. Jesus was/is our Savior and Father. When He needed rest, he did. He went off by himself and prayed, He prayed for strength, compassion, deliverance, and help. These are things that are number one, okay to pray for and we should pray for. We should also be praying for our children, and it's okay to need a break! And as a married couple you need breaks too. Dates, vacations, etc. We all need rest from work, daily life, and children. It's okay! Thank you Jesus for your example!
When checking facebook this afternoon, I read my friends blog who is adopting from China. and she still needs money for her adoption, they will be traveling soon, to get their two kids and need cash. And while she posts her need for cash she also asks for her followers to support us as well! I am blown away by the love, acceptance, and friendship she has given me over the last year and more recently!
So, here is the link to her blog and some of her fundraisers if anyone is willing to help her and us with our adoptions. Also check out their adoption story! mandysabusymommy.blogspot.com
Now I am waiting for Paul to call me back because he called and told me about a store that is closing and an opportunity to get a great price on cameras, phones, and laptops. Needless to say we will be getting each thing for a really good price. I am just praying that it is not too good to be true and that the stuff is legitimate. God is good and will give us the desires of our hearts when He sees fit. (Not sure why it won't take the italics off either!)
And upon doing my devotion this morning, I read about saying "No". As parents we run and run and go and go. Non-stop. Whether it is to the store, taking care of everyone, random errands, soccer, dance, etc. When do we really get a break? When do we take the time for a break? Well, the bible gives us an example. Jesus was/is our Savior and Father. When He needed rest, he did. He went off by himself and prayed, He prayed for strength, compassion, deliverance, and help. These are things that are number one, okay to pray for and we should pray for. We should also be praying for our children, and it's okay to need a break! And as a married couple you need breaks too. Dates, vacations, etc. We all need rest from work, daily life, and children. It's okay! Thank you Jesus for your example!
When checking facebook this afternoon, I read my friends blog who is adopting from China. and she still needs money for her adoption, they will be traveling soon, to get their two kids and need cash. And while she posts her need for cash she also asks for her followers to support us as well! I am blown away by the love, acceptance, and friendship she has given me over the last year and more recently!
So, here is the link to her blog and some of her fundraisers if anyone is willing to help her and us with our adoptions. Also check out their adoption story! mandysabusymommy.blogspot.com
Now I am waiting for Paul to call me back because he called and told me about a store that is closing and an opportunity to get a great price on cameras, phones, and laptops. Needless to say we will be getting each thing for a really good price. I am just praying that it is not too good to be true and that the stuff is legitimate. God is good and will give us the desires of our hearts when He sees fit. (Not sure why it won't take the italics off either!)
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