Things have been tough the last couple days. I honestly don't remember when exactly I last wrote, but I think it was Wednesday and I was already feeling emotional and attacked. So yesterday, Thursday, I went to work with a horrible attitude and I am sure my coworkers did not appreciate it. Anyway the day at work turned out emotional and frustrating to the point that I didn't want to be there anymore. I am feeling like I want to be home with Belle and be around more, and I want to be involved in church more. Needless to say my day at work was not a good one, not bad but not good either.
Once I got home my evening got worse. Belle wouldn't go to sleep and didn't until after 9. But the worst of all was the news that Paul got laid off without warning. And without reason. He is supposed to go to work tomorrow and maybe help with some stuff but mostly to pack his stuff up and leave. His boss is giving him a few weeks of severance, and Paul will be starting his job search, he has already made a few phone calls to friends. So our "roof" caved in on our lives last night. We are currently in recovery mode and survival. We are praying he finds a job quickly, so we don't have to dip into our savings. So all of this happened on top of the footers on the house "leaning" and needing to get the house lifted. Not sure what that will cost yet either and adoption stuff. This may hinder the adoption for a bit if Paul has to be somewhere for a certain amount of time first. And he will need to get another verification of employment letter from his new employer when he gets one and they feel comfortable saying he isn't going anywhere. The thing that makes both of us most angry is that his boss from this job wrote that verification letter a few weeks ago, notarized and everything! And full well knowing this would screw things up and that he was lying when he wrote it. At least that is what I believe. And I will be hesitant to trust anyone anymore.
Today we went to get our "free" gift card and our vouchers for hotels to take a vacation. They tried to sell us a timeshare and we would if we could, but we can't. But the gift card paid for the trip and we spent some time as a family. We also picked up my holter monitor that I have to wear for 24 hours because of the persistent PAC's that I have daily. And we got Belle's PPD read which was of course negative. Tomorrow we both have to go into work and Sunday we go to church and then have to get my bridesmaid dress and Belle's flower girl dress.
So Satan is on the move and attacking my family, but he will not win! I will not let him! God will carry us through and I will see the light and not chose to focus on the dark. I will do everything in my power to make sure things are right with our family and our adoption. I know Satan does not want us adopting and doing God's will, but I will fight him tooth and nail. I already told him to beat it and leave us alone last night and asked God to bring good out of this and I know He will. All things are part of His master plan good and bad. I know and keep telling myself that he will never leave me or forsake me, that I can do all things through him who strengthens me. And Satan is going down, he will not win! He will not get the best of me!
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