Failures

So last week was busy with routine, mundane things at home and busy days at work. I had the weekend off again which was good but between taking care of Paul with his headache and Belle in general and trying to get yard work and stuff done I was cranky and tired. Sunday was difficult because I miss my dad and memorial day was harder than I thought it would be. Plus I was angry with Paul for not helping me get ready for church even though I got to sleep in. So basically I was complaining all day for no reason. I did however realize that I am have pms so that is probably why I am being so mean and nasty. Not that it's an excuse but I will say hormones suck!

So yesterday I worked 12 hours and during that time my father in law was taken to the hospital with a possible stroke. Paul called me before 7 and by 7:15 I heard "code stroke" over the intercom and I knew it was for him. So I was actually really scared and worried because there isn't much you an do. But I think it seems that it wasn't one so that is a great blessing. He had a massive stroke August of 2006 a month before Paul and I got married. So yesterday was okay work wise but stressful personally. And then I came home tired and in a bad mood. Paul tried to make me better but he couldn't.

Today was okay. I got stuff done but failed at things today too. I feel like they are epic fails but they really are not. I tried to use the drill and couldn't figure it out and got more angry than I already was. And then when I took the bread out of the make I realized that I messed up and I guess I forgot to put another tsp of salt so the bread is dense. I know these seem menial and stupid but to me right now they feel bigger. I am also frustrated with Paul because he doesn't act like he cared to talk to me or anything and he doesn't do the things I ask him to do. Most of the time he does but with one specific thing he hasn't done it after months of asking. And now when we are trying to get something done and need another answer before its done he is now wanting to take care of it. This is so frustrating!! And the other fail I had was we didn't put enough parade on our adoption paperwork and so I "fixed" it Saturday but it still wasn't enough! So that has put us back a week at least in our process! The devil needs to shove it and leave me alone! I am tired of this! Sorry for being frank but it's how I feel.

God,
Please me to trust in you with this adoption and the timing and finances. Please help Paul and I with our communication and relationship. Please help us to understand each other and love one another. Help all of our family that are having health problems right now. Bring healing to their bodies. Bless Belle and keep her safe. Please forgive me for judging others, being angry, impatient, and condescending. Please forgive me for my words and help me to be a better person, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Protect my family and thank you for all you have blessed us with. Thank you for food on our table, a roof over our heads, a savings account, the opportunity to adopt, and everything you have provided. Please bless us all and most of all Belle, Paul and our other little girl we haven't met yet. Please keep us safe. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Paid on call

Yesterday afternoon and evening were slightly challenging with Belle. She was over tired and as a result not listening and misbehaving. But we got through it. I felt bad about things because I wasn't very patient with her.

Today I got paid on call for the whole day which was a nice treat. The only problem is that I am using leave again and I used leave last week. So we will see. We also mailed our adoption paperwork today. So we will see what happens next. I am praying for the money though because I don't know where it is going to come from because we don't haves lot of it. On a good note I finished cleaning the "junk" room and started my adoption quilt. That's really all for today. Nothing exciting!