Finding myself

So the last month has been challenging with Paul and Belle being sick two weeks in a row. One week it was upper respiratory and the next it was the stomach bug. Praise God I did not get sick though!! So since my last post not too much on the adoption front has happened. We got fingerprinted again for USCIS and we are waiting for that clearance and one more reference letter. And I just need to certify one more document which I will do next week and we will be all set to send in our dossier!! Finally the end of the paperwork tunnel is in sight! This has been a long journey. We decided last year at this time that we would definitely adopt, but did not know when. And we truly started the process in April, so we are coming up close to a year really quickly.

On the parenting front, Belle has reached a screaming phase. And is having trouble sleeping. She gets up almost every night between 2am-4am. I am so thankful for Paul though because he gets up with her most nights and lets me sleep. I guess maybe it makes up for the times when she was a baby and I was up nursing her! Probably too much info, but it's my life and my journey!

 Over the last few weeks too, I have volunteered to help the homeless through church. That was awesome! And mostly I have been working. So the other things Paul and I have been talking about is whether we may adopt again after this one. And to be honest sometimes I say yes and sometimes I say no. I don't know what God has planned for us but I do know it's big. And over the last year, I have wanted to get more involved in church and been feeling called toward ministry. The kind of ministry I am talking about is international. Over the last week and hearing our sermons (or parts of it for me) has been even stronger of a calling. God is breaking our hearts for what breaks His. That has been a big prayer of mine over the last year. God has not completely revealed His calling and plan for us, but I know He will in his time. It may start now with prayer and research, but I think the reveal and permanence of His plan will take place after we bring Addie home. In the meantime, like I said I think we may get more involved in established ministries and pray and research. But what I do know is His plan includes children and helping them in other countries and helping them out of poverty. I think about Addie and I think about all the children around the world without families, that are lonely, starving, sick, and helpless. I think about the ones that get trafficked and abused. I want to protect them, to show them the way, and heal them. I cannot do this alone. I need God and I need family and friends to support me. I'm not asking for anything but prayers right now, that we see God's plan and that we don't ignore it and that we are patient enough to let Him work.

Something we talked about in our small group last night was our purpose in life. What are we here for? What are we supposed to be doing? Well I think God's plan for our lives is never complete. He is always working in us and through us if we allow him to. I thought my purpose at one point was to be a nurse and help people and I fulfilled that purpose but that was only a piece to his puzzle called my life. There is a song that says "He's not finished with me yet" and He is not finished with us until we take our last breath. I also think the way our lives work or look is like a puzzle. Our childhood is the border, that he puts together. It's the basic stuff, then once we reach adulthood, he starts on the middle. And it's not done until we die. And we may think it's done, but then come to find out there is more, and more. We see the end result once we are in heaven. So I think the adoption was just the beginning of the rest of our lives and my nursing career was just the beginning and to teach me. So I don't know what else life holds, but it is and will be an amazing journey!