Busy Fall

So I just realized I haven't posted since August! Wow!! So things have gotten sooooo busy!! Belle is in school 5 days a week and her school is 30 min from home and lasts only 3 hours, so I stay in the area where school is because there is no point in going home. I am totally not complaining, but I am having a hard time now keeping up on things because I am gone for about 4 hours. Belle started school in August and while she is in school I am trying to walk or run.

 September was busy with us going on vacation and getting back to work afterward. Which Paul and I really want to move now! We went to North Carolina and we have realized the cost of living is so much cheaper and we could save money AND be close to the beach! How awesome would that be!! The only downside is being away from family, but I may just have to pick them up and move them too!

October was busy too, with trying to do Arbonne stuff, which didn't go all that well last month. I was supposed to have a party that got cancelled and then I had a vendor show I had to back out of. I had to back out of the vendor show because we ended up going to PA to visit Paul's grandpa. That week he was admitted to hospice for end stage renal failure. Also known as kidney failure for those
non-medical speaking people out there. He was given a few days to 2 weeks, and guess what.....God has kept him here! We are so blessed that we were all able to see him and spend some time with him. He is a wonderful God-fearing man. He just loves the Lord so much and had some interesting things to say to Paul and I. And of course we are glad he got to see Belle again. Belle also had her first field trip and thankfully I was able to go! I hate not being able to be there for her all the time.

So this month so far has flown by! It is almost Thanksgiving (which we are hosting again this year)! I have been working a lot, taking an extra class here and there and doing vendor shows on my Saturdays off for my Arbonne business. So not a lot of time to spend with family or just keep up and clean the house.

Okay, now I am going to get a little deep and reveal some of myself and what I have been going through. I'm not really sure why I feel the need to do this but I do. I have been struggling over the last month with some anxiety, anger, and sadness. Some I think is hormonally related and I am doing some natural things to help with that. However, I have been feeling just sad, tired, and overwhelmed almost always. I think some of it is that I miss my dad a lot right now. Not sure why more now, but it is how I feel. I am also struggling with enjoying my job. I have almost always enjoyed my job....it has nothing to do with my co-workers or anything like that, but I just don't feel like my heart is in my work lately. I am trying to figure out if God is calling me to another field of nursing or not. I am waiting for that answer. Over the last few days I do feel like I am starting to feel some joy again but it is a struggle. I am trying to be there for Belle and enjoy spending time with her and I am trying to let some of the cleaning and such go. It may be getting to the point of hiring someone to help so I can relax again. We will wait and see. I know people are noticing a difference in my attitude and demeanor because Sunday someone came up to me and asked how I was and it must have shown on my face because they asked if I needed anything or if they could pray for me. I said yes, please pray for my job and adoption. So I know something is up, and can I just say I HATE the cold and the shorter days!!! I could probably tolerate the cold a tad bit more if I were at the beach! So for those out there prayers for peace and comfort are appreciated!

Next, on the adoption front.....we are in the process of updating our home study. We will have it updated in the next couple weeks, it expires in December. People keep asking what is going on with it and I keep saying well we are just waiting. Which is the truth and this is the hardest part is waiting to find out who Addie is and possibly Sam too. So I mentioned a while ago that I felt that God was telling me and a few other people that we would get our referral around Christmas, well I have been saying if it is His will it will happen. Well our sermon this past Sunday was on belief that God can breakthrough. Our series has been on breakthrough. I have felt that I need a breakthrough on multiple things our adoption included. So Sunday I felt that God was/is calling me to fully believe that we will get our referral next month. This is so hard because I have a fear of disappointment! I don't want to be sad if it doesn't happen! However, until we get our referral I am going to believe that we will get it next month. Both Paul and I are believing this. The Bible says to believe, put all your trust in Him. The story told was the man who's son was possessed and as a last resort asked Jesus to heal him, and the man didn't fully believe until it happened. So I am trying to have full belief instead of mixed belief. Oh, and we are not really sure that we will have all the money to pay for our adoption, but for some reason I have an easier time having faith in that! Satan is also attacking my thoughts with doubts that God can and will give us a referral next month because every time I read something from the agency on wait time or what number we are it is very disappointing and discouraging. So no more of that for me! Only prayer!

So in closing, please pray for me and my mental well being right now, my job, and our adoption including the finances of it. Thank you all for your support! And Happy Thanksgiving if I don't post again!! I am thankful I have a supportive family, friends, spouse, and most of all a loving God who meets me right where I am and carries me through everything!