Grandma

Today is the 10 year anniversary of losing my grandmother. On top of that I have PMS and I had to work today. Work was steady but okay. I was just out of it, sad, and mopey. I think a lot of it has to do with missing my grandma, my dad, and PMS. Even though this all affected me, I still enjoyed my all natural childbirth delivery this morning. They were a great couple and I got kudos from the midwife on my performance. She told me that natural childbirth is my thing, that I have a real knack for it. Other than that my day was normal, not here or there.

About my grandma though. I think I need to take a few minutes to remember her because if I don't it will stay bottled up. She was 72 when she passed away. She and I had a lot in common and were close. She was a very strong woman and I had so much respect for her. She was kind and loved life. She loved people in general, she loved Jesus, and she loved family. She and I had similar backgrounds from childhood. She knew what it felt like to have a father who doesn't give a rip about you. She had asthma, and an irregular heart rhythm. She liked to talk on the phone and would call at least once a day. I am the same way, I have asthma, and I have been in a-fib. She was so strong, she had polio as a child, she helped raise her younger siblings, she got married young the first time and when it turned out not to be legal as she thought, and he left her, she was pregnant.  She raised my aunt until she was 2 and then was almost forced to give her up for adoption. She never forgot about Susan and she always kept a picture of her in her wallet. She reunited with Susan years before she passed and I think that was good closure for her to see her daughter again. I cannot imagine what she went through or what any birth parent goes through. She was stubborn and silly too. She loved to be silly, and one thing I will never forget is this silly pumpkin hat she would wear at Halloween. She also loved bells and collected them, then at Christmas she would wear that little jingle bell around her neck. She would call it her ding-a-ling! She always did stockings for us at the family Christmas and always had some minty candy and an orange or clementine.  She was a wonderful person and I am blessed that I got to know her, but that doesn't make it easier living without her. I wonder sometimes what she would say about where I am now in life. What she would think of Belle. I know she would love her, but to see the interaction. Belle's middle name is the same as hers was.....Jeane. And I wonder what she would say about us adopting. Sometimes I just wish I could sit down with her and catch her up on all that's gone on and get her opinion and just visit with her. She used to love hearing about my day and everything. I obviously get my talking gene from her! If I really think about it, I can see her in my head. I love you grandma and I'll see you again someday, soon to you, not to me. But know that I miss you all the time!