105 heat index!!

Today was my day off and the best time for me to spend time with Belle without having a ton to do. So we went to a garden center with friends and did the "fairy house" walk. Belle had a good time, so did I! We also had lunch and then she ran around and played with the other kids. Afterward, I was hoping Belle wouldn't fall asleep in the car and there is an ice cream place on our way back so I stopped hoping that would help keep her up until we got home. No such luck! I still laid her down but all she did was play. So no nap for mommy! Then we went out to the pool which felt wonderful since the heat index was 105 today! We stayed out there for about an hour to hour and half. We both bathed and then we watched Peter Pan. Belle really liked it! And for dinner we had sandwiches because I didn't feel like heating up the house! So it was an easy day, and I started to lose my cool with Belle and raise my voice toward the end of the day because I am tired and since she is tired she was misbehaving, but she is in bed and I am writing! And I probably should have done some cleaning but honestly I didn't feel like it and being with Belle and spending some time with her was more important. She is a good girl and I am blessed to have such a child. Now if only Paul could beam himself home, so we can spend time together and work on our adoption papers that would be wonderful! Good night all!

Work and such

Today obviously was work. It wasn't too bad and I had a good friend and co-worker help with tasks. I did however have one of those patients who seems to have extremely low tolerance for pain and need more medication than most. This can be very frustrating! And it can make them seem dependent or become dependent when they need it around the clock. Anyway that's my vent for the day. Not too much to write about.

As for adoption stuff though, we thought we got Paul's birth certificate but they need a copy of his license so the papers were just sent back. And I went to get mine yesterday from the health department but it costs $10 more to get it there than sending it in! Yet another way for Maryland to screw you out of more money. Whatever! So mine will be sent in the mail as of Saturday along with the request for our marriage certificate so I don't have to go anywhere in person. And we are having dinner with our friends on Sunday night to discuss papers we need them to sign as well. Unfortunately though they need a notary for their signatures. But hopefully they will agree to be the "guardian" of our little girl in Ethiopia according to the home study. Which everything will change as soon as we get home and revise our wills to include our other little girl. And the best news of all today not only did I make another coffee sale but I talked to the owner of a chick-fil-a and we will be doing a spirit night to raise money!! I am so excited about this and the possibility of revenue this could bring for us!

Tomorrow we will be working on adoption stuff and Belle and I are meeting friends and cleaning and playing tomorrow. I am trying to not be OCD about the cleaning and play with her instead. And praying for a lot of people right now. I joined the group chat for Ethiopia online and this week there gave been so many referrals passed out to families that have been waiting its amazing and we are all praising God for it!! That's all for now more updates later!

Charge!

Today I was in charge at work. It was a good day, not too busy and I felt like I did a decent job. However I did forget to get my annual things done so now I have to go tomorrow with Belle. We will see how that goes! But we will also go to the health department to get paperwork for our adoption too, so it will be worth it! Not much else happened today, and I am really tired right now. I am just trying to get back into the habit of writing everyday, not that my life is so interesting and exciting, but just to do it.

I also wanted to post some of the online sales we are doing to raise money for our adoption. We are selling flower bulbs and coffee right now. And I don't remember if I said it yesterday or not, but we have the money for the home study from all of the things we have done so far! So praise God! And I am in a much better mood today because my hormones are balancing, if you know what I mean! I really don't necessarily look forward to my period but lately I do because then I get balanced! It's an oxymoron, but it's my life!

Anyway here are the links for the flowers and coffee for anyone who wants to support us!
http://www.flowerpowerfundraising.com/campaign?q=campaign&campaign_id=11532

https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/brownfamilyadoption/

Busy, Busy

So lets see, I have to figure out where exactly I left off. So, other than work this is what's been going on. As far as emotions go they have been all over the place, happy, excited, sad....everything. I worked father's day, so I kind of ignored the whole thing until later in the day when I treated Paul badly and got into an argument with him. So on that part, I sucked because I made him feel badly about himself. Then this week the same thing happened, mostly due to exhaustion and PMS. I got angry and overwhelmed. This week it was not only left for him though, I kind of flipped out on my mom. So yeah, I feel pretty bad when it comes to that. I also didn't really take the time to process fathers day because of being busy and working, so it hit me yesterday. Great timing! And I have been extremely vulnerable to the Devil the last few days. It seems as though he has been sitting on my shoulder telling me everything I do wrong, putting me down, and making me feel bad. So bad thoughts about myself have been rolling in and I try to roll them right back out, but yesterday, that was so difficult! That was the main issue yesterday was the negative, self degrading thoughts. And you know, everyone has those sometimes, but when it is constant like that, I can only think that it's not me, it's Satan putting those thoughts into my head.

As for house stuff, we are in stand still until the contractor comes back out to look at the house. I am trusting God to take care of it though. That's all I can say about that. When it comes to money I am learning that trusting God and not looking at the numbers is key, because He is providing exactly what we need. I was nervous about the numbers this month, not sure if we would be able to save and put money where it should be for the month of July since Paul has not been making as much. The shop is just slow and that's what happens when you work commission. When it's good it's good and when it's bad it's bad. Anyway, I checked the numbers one night and things weren't adding up, we were coming up short, then I did it again about a week or so later and we had just enough. God is providing!

Adoption stuff......Well, we got our home study orientation date July 7th 1p-4p at the office. We will not be taking Belle for this visit, and afterward have to make it back in time for a late wedding! We are excited to be moving along in the process but it is scary too! We are just gathering paperwork and trying to fund raise at the same time. Speaking of fund raising, we had our second yard sale this past Saturday and made $361 and I am still selling stuff! I also added up our flower bulb sale and it is over $300 with the online sale! This plus some extras we put into the bank, bonuses, reimbursements, and things plus the money we already had in that account has given us a little more than enough to pay for the home study! There are other things that we will just pay out of pocket, not from our adoption account. I feel like we need the account for the big items. Right now we are just starting to read the adoption books and such, and need to start the course. Also, I  really want to do a dinner fund raiser, and I wrote a letter to a local place, I am praying for a response that they will donate to us. I also wrote another letter to a local place and got a response that they may be willing to sponsor a night for us!

Belle has been good, but throwing massive tantrums, running away, saying no all the time, and hitting and kicking the animals. Time out is working some, but she has been tired because we have been out late a lot lately. And because of everything that's been going on, the yard sale, going to a baseball game Saturday, and just going, we are all exhausted! So we are trying to get back into routine, but it is hard with the fourth coming up.

I am also trying to figure out how to save money but give nice gifts for weddings and babies now. I want to make things but have had some trouble finding the time, and the stuff to do it. So we will see how it goes.

I think that's all for today, it's time for bed and to start another day tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a work day, and here is to praying it's a good day!

Cleaning, etc

Today was a day of cleaning and getting ready for the fire marshal. Whom may I add showed up while I was still cleaning! He was an hour early and I would have been done cleaning if he was on time! Oh well, all God's timing right? So that was this morning. And all went well with the inspection, we need to add a few things to our home but got approved! And I thought that there would be a fee and there isn't! He said for adoptions they do it for free!

This afternoon I spent time with Belle and read my kindle. I finished the book I have been reading tonight. I love to read, it just takes me away from my life and relaxes me. I can get too consumed in a book though, to the point I don't want to talk to Paul! I know not good right, but he gets it. So this morning I was feeling that I needed some encouragement to get through the day so on top of my devotion, I read Proverbs 31 and a few of my favorite verses. I am striving to be the woman that God intends for me to be and to be the Proverbs 31 wife.

This evening was my trying time today though. Belle was cranky and needy, she intentionally and consistently disobeyed. And it plucks my nerve after multiple times! She was kind of crazy and I just need to work on talking more instead of scolding, because she really doesn't respond to that. I need to be more calm but every time I try to get something done in the evenings or I am talking on the phone she misbehaves. And not only does she do something she know she shouldn't but she then runs away or does it again. When I am on the phone she tries to do stuff to see how long I'll let it go or if I won't say anything at all. She is so strong willed! I love her to death but boy does she know my buttons!! Talking to my mom tonight she told me I set myself up because I named her after my grandmother and great-grandmother, two very independent strong women. Well I guess I did! And I think I am realizing that because she is so smart, I need to keep her occupied in other ways and find new constructive things for her to do especially in the evenings. Paul and I talked about her last night and agreed that she is the type of child that will need to learn the hard way, by getting hurt, or getting everything taken away from her. She is so loving though too, and she is both of her namesakes. God bless my girl!

Now tomorrow will be kind of busy, I need to get stuff done at home, and then leave at 1230 for a drill at work, after that pick up yard sale stuff, and then goes to friend's for dinner and to do adoption stuff. Then Saturday I work and Sunday I am on call 12 hours, so potentially working again. God will see me through, never leave me or forsake me! Amen!

Emotional roller coaster

So today started out good, I had doctor appointments and Belle was behaving while I did that and ran some errands. I was feeling so at ease and at peace with life then I have one thing happen and it throws me off. She was really good up until we were at my second appointment (the cardiologist) and she began hitting me and pinched me. Needless to say she got time out twice, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to phase her any. Then she was lifting my skirt and tugging at it while I was talking to the girls at the front desk about my follow up appointments and copies of records for my primary so he can make sure the adoption paperwork is accurate. Then she fell asleep in the car and we went to the library. She liked that and was okay there, though she did run away from me a couple times. We went to the Amish farmer's market and  got a bunch of produce and some eggs for about $20! I thought it was a good deal! Then since my mom and sister were close by we all met at my house and had lunch. We haven't spontaneously done anything like that in about 2 years since dad died. Mom can do that now because she is off for the summer and will be working part time from now on. She will be watching Belle starting in July too. It is a much better arrangement for all of us and we are all have more peace about it.

So after they left while she was napping, I checked e-mail and stuff and our home study orientation is scheduled for July 7th! I was really excited and nervous to be moving that quick. Then I got a phone call from the fire marshal to schedule our home assessment. He said that since we are doing an adoption we get put to the top of the list, so they don't hold us up! We just mailed the papers yesterday! I was shocked to hear back that quick! I was so shocked I got a little worked up about things. But after talking to Paul I calmed down. I am so excited and obviously this is God's plan! So I was feeling better at this point, and relaxed. By the time I started making dinner and such and Belle's movie was over, I wasn't as relaxed anymore again. She puts me over the edge when she directly disobeys what I tell her and deliberately runs away. It makes me so angry! And she is not only doing that but she is hitting, hitting people and animals. I try to punish her and need to work more on the love and logic part of discipline but it is hard! I think though she also just likes to get a rise out of me. She is one stubborn child, but so sweet and caring when she wants to be. She is a good girl, she is just misbehaving. Any advice on how to handle some of these issues would be appreciated!

So that has been my day and I will be working on more adoption stuff tomorrow on top of cleaning my house, playing with Belle, and trying to rest. We will see how it goes! That's my life!

Adoption and house

So wow! I haven't written in a long while! To sum things up life has been busy and crazy! Also I have off and on been emotional, sensitive, and extremely tired. Work has been busy and keeping me on my toes.

So as for work, like I said it's been busy. I have had a lot of nice deliveries and such and been on mother baby pretty equally to my labor time. I don't mind it too much even though I call myself a labor nurse.And as tired as I have been and not feeling like working, I do like my job.

So as for the adoption, we went to send our first payment and paperwork and we didn't have enough postage! Paul and I are bad about not checking the mail too, so it sat there for a week! I was so upset, but I put another stamp on it and mailed it again, only to have it returned yet again for not enough postage!! I was upset but Paul mailed it and paid the rest in person. The got the stuff last week and in the mean time, I started our flower bulb sale to raise money too. I have gotten some orders, however, I am not sure we will meet the goal I'd like but that is okay. So this week and last weekend we having been filling out the paperwork that is simple and needs to be returned now. Next on my list will be making copies of things we need and getting stuff notarized. There is a lot to be notarized! But if I keep at it and tell Paul what he needs to do it will get done. And we have our yard sale scheduled for June 23rd and I am hoping to get a big return on that to cover the rest of our home study fees. We are also going to work on filling out papers for the grant we will apply for. So a lot of stuff going on, but all good.

Now for the "attack" from Satan using our house. Paul has been concerned about the house and wanted to get it checked out because the floor slopes to the middle and we have a door that won't close and ceiling "pops" all over. So yesterday we finally had a contractor come out to see if we need to get our house lifted. He looked in the crawl space and nothing seemed too bad, but he asked if there were other things that we questioned related to the sloping. So I took him around the house a bit showed him the door that doesn't close and the cracks in the walls. When he looked at the ceiling that is in our bathroom and the shower stall he asked how long it had been like that (the ceiling is separated from the  drywall), I told him since we bought the place. He got worried then, he said that should never happen. To top it off we have had water in the crawl space which we knew about and have a sump pump for, but he also said that around the pilings the dirt goes toward them, and that is not good. So he will be coming back soon with his crew to assess everything and use lasers and stuff to see if its minor or not. I am praying for minor and not really needing to do much about it right now, because if it is major it could be upwards of $20,000!!! (Gulp, oh wait....vomit!) So Paul and I could be looking at taking out a personal loan or credit card to do this if it needs it, then we may also need to do that for the adoption if we don't raise all the money we need.

Also in the last few weeks, we had sermons on money i.e. tithing, saving, and living. So Paul and I are tithing from our gross income now, which is significantly more, but we are trusting God to take care of us. My grandpa had his 80th birthday and surprise party. Paul replaced the carpet with the laminate wood flooring we bought 2 years ago and we switched Belle's room to the big room that she will share with her sister. And we mostly put together our office craft room. So a lot is going on, and mostly good. Like I said I am just praying that God will come through and take care of us and give us the funds, strength, and help we need.

So please pray for us as we continue on our adoption journey with financing and our home that the problem is really minor or that insurance will cover the cost or part of it.