Rough mommy day

Today started out okay. Belle woke up before 7 but I stayed in bed since Paul was getting up. Since he left though she has had issues listening and it has been testing my patience big time. I have yelled today more than I have in a while. It plucks my nerves when she deliberately does not listen. I did get things done today. I vacuumed, started laundry, made breakfast cookies, did some projects, and made roasted zucchini chips for lunch. I had Belle help and make some Christmas gifts and help with the cookies. She still was not listening though. She is feeling better since sleeping last night, but she was still tired. So I tried to put her down for a nap at noon and I needed it too. Well, she got out of bed three times. Once to try to get into my bed, once for water, and once because she messed the bed. This was all over an hour or so. Once I had her cleaned up and the bed changed, she screamed. All throughout this she was screaming or crying for something. I tried to cuddle with her, I let her in my bed with me, I got her water, I sang to her, and I tried to let her cry it out. She also screamed that top of the lungs I am ticked off scream at me, and mind you this was not my greatest moment, but I did it back at her. I think I scared her, and I told her she didn't like it and neither did I. She began to calm down by that point and the last thing that finally worked and by this time she was exhausted was I took her shirt off because it was wet and tucked her in after snuggling with her and told her to go to sleep. The only reason she probably stayed was she was too exhausted anymore.

So going to take it easy the rest of the afternoon and finish laundry and make dinner. Other than that not much because I only napped for 15 minutes or so. I also think she needs my attention and to spend time with me so I will. I love her to death, but parenting is not for the weak!

Sick

So Monday was a good day. Though busy we were at least able to get a nap! I went to my annual GYN visit and discussed my feelings of PMS and how much it is affecting my life. So he suggested taking Black Cohash to help since I don't want anything that is not natural. Then we had cold stone creamery with mom and went to the craft store. I got stuff for the bridal shower for Saturday for Paul's cousin. Then we ended up getting home late because I had to meet up with a few people. And we met with someone from a company about buying meat that is preservative, steroid, and antibiotic free. As of right now we are going to try it out, but will need a deep freezer too! So we will be adding that to our kitchen until someday when we can afford a garage.

Yesterday I worked and it was a stressful and busy day. I had to catch up a lot on charting and it was just busy. When I got home Belle had a runny nose and she got to bed late which always messes with her and she cries more. But once she fell asleep she was okay, until she couldn't breathe through her nose. She kept waking up crying and was difficult to comfort. I felt bad for her, so I gave her some benadryl and hooked up her humidifier. They didn't work! :-(  She ended up in our bed and she kept kicking me in the back. On top of that she was up every 2-3 hours and had difficulty sleeping. I did not feel right about sending her to day care like that and exposing the other kids to whatever illness she has, so I called out of work today and stayed home with her. She was up at 7 and whinny! She got so cranky and whinny that I laid her down and I laid down for a nap at 1030 which is totally off of our schedule but she is sick. I also am pretty sure she at least has a low grade fever, but I am not going to take her temperature unless I have to. After the first nap she wasn't as whinny and we watched a movie from my childhood. We watched Rainbow Bright and the Star Stealer! She liked it and sat and watched the whole time! Then I tried to lay her down again for another nap. She fought me, but I think she fell asleep for a little bit but her coughing woke her up. So then she asked to get into bed with me, but then all she did was talk and play. So I put her back in her bed and we both got at least 30 minutes of sleep. I am hoping tonight goes better and she is feeling better tomorrow so I can get stuff done.

My plan for tomorrow is to make the prizes for the shower, make some cookies for my meeting on Friday (and for us!), make roasted butternut squash and zucchini chips. Oh, and do laundry, vacuum the house and maybe work on my quilt or another project I have going! And I need to start making Christmas gifts!
Then Friday I have a meeting then I work until 7. Saturday is the bridal shower and Sunday is my break. Next week I work every other day. I only get off three days, and this week is four but not all together. I am hoping I don't get sick though!

Weekend

So this weekend was super busy for all of us! Friday night we went to the local pumpkin farm and! had dinner, rode the train, ate cupcakes and just had fun! Then Saturday I worked while Paul got stuff done at home. Then he and Belle went to a Blue Crabs game. She had a blast from what I heard. They didn't get home until 1030pm! So I had some mommy time to myself! I watched two movies, got myself mexican for dinner with a margarita and chilled out after a busy day at work! Then yesterday we went to church and then to the church picnic which we didn't get home until after 6! So it was a good weekend. I also really like the sermon and some points Pastor Michael made. So I will spell them out. And it was a funny service too, because there was a really loud cricket chirping throughout the sermon! It was pretty hilarious. I think it was in the baptismal! Too funny!

Okay, so here it goes on my take on the sermon. To give some background we have been in a series called ABC. The A stands for Admit, admit that you have sinned, the B for believe that Christ is Savior and rose from the dead, and C, commit your life to following Him. Our sermon this week was on commit. Commit your life to Him and following Him. Some points that pastor made that stood out to me but were not key bullets I think maybe should have been. So the story behind it all is the story of the prodigal son. The son who tells his dad, you are dead to me give me my money, then spends it and hits rock bottom, then comes back asking for forgiveness. So there is the background briefly. We all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God, so we all need to admit that, and then we believe that He is God and rose from the dead to pay for our sins. Then commit our lives to following, but when we commit it needs to be a constant commitment, not for a while. Daily we sin and daily we need to ask for forgiveness, strength to do what it right, and will to resist what is wrong. "Our belief needs to match our behavior." We believe that something is wrong, we need to show it and not act that way or do that thing. This is what separates the "fans from the followers". Fans follow when things are good and going their way, it is "me" thinking. Followers follow when times are good and bad. This is "family" thinking. So question...can you still be a follower but sin or does that make you a fan? Yes, you can be a follower and sin, because we are all sinners! Fan or follower you are a sinner, so am I! Trust me I am far from perfect! The difference though is the follower daily admits sin, repents, and tries to do better. Sin is everywhere and "in the middle of sin is I". Meaning when you sin its all about you. sIn equals selfishness. So, personally I already ask forgiveness almost daily, and I know there is something throughout the day that I have done wrong. And I try to do better after or the next day. I want to be close to my God, He gives me comfort when I am hurt or broken. I am committed to living for Him and trying to be more like Him. So let me ask you, what is your choice? Are you needing to be saved in general and admit or do you need to commit and live for God daily?

Busy busy!

So last week was pretty busy. The rest of the week went like this. I worked Thursday and took off on Friday because I thought Paul and I may go away for our anniversary but we didn't. So Friday I had a doctor appointment scheduled that was a mistake and basically I really did not have an appointment, so I drove to Waldorf for no reason. But I did get to go to the Christmas Tree Shop and got some good deals on things for gifts and some crafts for Belle. WE also went to the grocery store and home. We just kind of chilled out and I think I cleaned a little. I honestly cannot remember! How sad is that! Saturday was long but fun. We took Belle to the county fair and Paul did sound for a wedding at church afterward. Then we all came home and Paul and I went on a date for our anniversary. Which did not go quite as planned. I think we were both so tired from the fair and everything that we forgot to give Paul's parents the key to our house and we forgot to grab our gift card for the movies! We realized all this at dinner. Anyway we went to dinner and the movie and Paul's parents just kept Belle overnight. We saw The Bourne Legacy, which was good. We skipped church the next day because it was our anniversary and we just needed to chill out at home. We did go out to lunch with Paul's parents for his dad's birthday. But other than that we chilled and cleaned the house. It was nice just being together and getting things accomplished. So it was a busy but good weekend! And Belle loved the fair and riding the pony! She was so cute and it's even cuter with her talking about the pony still!

Another thing that occurred with me last week....was while I was on my way to work on Thursday morning I was praying about everything in general. I was praying and thinking about our adoption, praying for Paul and I, Belle and finances. God told me to fast and to fast from chocolate specifically. I have been eating a lot of chocolate and sweets in general. I think I have gained weight because of it, and I have been turning to sweets instead of God. So as if Thursday last week with the exception of Saturday for our anniversary, I have given up chocolate until November first. I thought and prayed about just a few weeks but God told me November. I felt like He was asking me to do this to show him that I trust him and he will take care of us financially and especially with our adoption. I felt like I needed to do something else for our family and our adoption. So goodbye chocolate for now. And honestly, it hasn't been that hard, difficult but not really hard....yet!

I cannot remember if I posted about our adoption last week either, so here it is. We are just waiting for our social worker to call us and schedule our first home visit! We should hear by this coming Tuesday. And our friends that were in China getting their kids got home tonight! I cannot wait to meet those kiddos! We watched their other kids Tuesday night into Wednesday and Paul did most of the work. He was a champ and did a great job!

So things going on this week. Monday I cleaned and we closed to pool. So summer is officially over. I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. Which just leaves today. So today I did laundry, cleaned, played with Belle, napped, went to the Amish market, and picked up my check and items left from the consignment shop.

Updates on my crazy girl. She is a nut, but what else is new! She is sometimes good at listening and stopping what I tell her especially after time out. However with time out recently she is saying immediately after being placed there that she has to go potty, as she pees herself. She is doing this on purpose to get out of time out. I put her back after she is cleaned up but the message is not sinking. So I am going to other plans and plan to keep her in time out until it's over then get her cleaned up. She is also in the "I need" everything stage. It really is funny to listen sometimes. She is getting better about not hitting me. And she is really starting to pretend play. She is doing pretend play with her kitchen and her babies and it is so cute to watch! She can also bring her toes up when she hangs on the rings or monkey bars mostly by herself! I have also taken away her booster seat because she plays too much in it. So she is in a regular chair like us now. Getting her to sleep is easier again, we are just putting her down and leaving and she is staying in bed. She loves to give hugs and love what we call Belle sandwich where Paul and I hug and squish her between us. She also is a bossy little thing. Tells us to get up, leave, and whatever else she wants. It is funny to hear her. And she loves to cook and do projects as we call them!

I think that is it for now. I am fasting, working on praying more, and working on staying clam and empathetic with Belle. Also I am working on feeling kinder toward Paul and spending more time with him. Thank you for reading about my simple crazy life!

September 11th and beyond

So I know I wrote last week but not too much has happened since then only that I feel more stable mentally, emotionally, and I don't feel as crazy!

So yesterday as most know marked the 11 year anniversary of September 11, 2001 which happened to be a Tuesday, and so obviously was yesterday. So thoughts around that date were more prominent. I was a junior in high school, Paul and I were dating. He was the one to tell me what had happened and honestly I did not know what he was talking about "Twin Towers" but when he said the Pentagon, I knew it was bad! After people started finding out, it was chaotic. Kids were being picked up from school left and right. The seniors were escorting kids to cars to leave. Glory and I were taken to our church right next door where my mom was running her parent's day out program. So she was flustered because she was responsible for a bunch of kids as well. I remember we cleaned up the church from the kids, my grandparents were there and then I saw my dad. My dad was always a reserved guy when it came to emotions and expressing himself especially in church. That day I saw him kneel at the alter for the first time and pray. He was shaken. He was in the navy before and still worked as a government contractor for the navy, so before he came I was worried about him. I also remember our youth pastor streamed the news into the sanctuary onto the projector. And that evening we had a prayer and worship service. It is a day I will never forget and almost is hard to believe that I witnessed it. I also remember that say was a beautiful day, crystal clear blue skies. So strange. So yesterday had a lot of emotions wrapped into it. But I want to say thank you to all those who served, and are serving our country. We are safe because of you! And kudos to President Bush at the time for taking action, some did not like him or agree with him totally during his term, but I was thankful for his decision to declare war on terrorism. This war is not over and most likely the war on terror never will be, there will always be those who desire evil and cause terror in others. But their day of judgment will come from God but at the same time, we will continue to fight it and protect ourselves and our children.

Yesterday was also a slightly frustrating day or evening I should say. Obviously I can't go into details, but I will say that I was happy to leave and not look back! The good thing that happened yesterday though was that all of our documents for our adoption have been approved! All we have to get is letters from the doctor discussing our conditions (mine) and surgeries. We also got in the e-mail that we will be starting our home visits soon!! I am excited and nervous, but I know that it will be okay. The social worker is here to help us adopt not tell us we can't and shoot us down.

So today was good, other than waking up at 0630 because little one climbs in our bed and doesn't go back to sleep! The only other thing was the lady at the doctors office was a little curt with me about the medical letters for the adoption which had me almost in tears, but I got over it. We went to the park where I met a friend. Belle and her little boy played so nice and were so cute together! Belle also ended up barefoot, that would totally be my girl! And we had a decent nap, and watched Cars 2. I also did get dishes and laundry done, so I was productive okay?! :-)  And on another good note, Belle is going to sleep much better! We had two nights where she got out of bed after putting her down, but now she stays in bed and she is going to bed at 7:30 because otherwise she doesn't get enough sleep and is so cranky! So she is better rested and so am I. She is much more relaxed and so am I!

God is good and I thank him for all that he has given me! I pray that I can continue to feel this good and normal again. I also pray that our visits and adoption stuff goes smoothly and he continues to provide the funds for us!

Rough day

This morning started at 0600 with Belle in our bed from the middle of the night and waking up because Paul was up. I tried to no avail to get her back to sleep. So started my day. I ended up finally getting up around 7 after trying to get her to sleep. By 8ish I was calling around trying to find someone to take care of the bunnies we found yesterday. The one died last night and the other later today. We saved the well one at least. The other task I accomplished this morning was going trough Belle's baby clothes to sell to the consignment shop and arranging the other things I have to take there. I tried to get into the big children's consignment that happens twice per year but it was full. So maybe in the spring. In the meantime Belle got tired and cranky and so did I. So around 11ish I tried to get her to nap. She fell asleep around 1130 so I went to sleep only to wake up to her crying half hour later!!! I tried to get her to go back to sleep for at least a half hour. Then I told her we would have lunch and then quiet time again. Well that didn't work. I tried and tried but she screamed, kicked, and got up time and time again. Until she said I get up mommy. So I didn't then I called my mom to complain who gave me some good advice and reminded me she is constantly changing and needing different things. I was in tears because I was so tired and in need of some help, a hug, or I don't know what! Anyway we went outside to play for a while until we had to leave to drop the bunny off at a rehab place. I am hoping it'll be okay. So we did that and guess who fell asleep in the car. I know it's no big surprise but geez she could have done it earlier so I could sleep too! Anyway baby bunny got dropped off and we went to the park in our neighborhood on the way home. When checking he mail I found our medical letters for our adoption all notarized!! Not much more to do!! So that was good! And Belle started throwing fits again so I gave her dinner early. Paul is bringing home comfort food at my request: pizza and ice cream!! And I am just waiting a bit to give Belle and bath and have her ready for bed. Then working on adoption stuff tonight.

I really felt like a bad mom today and a lazy wife. I didnt do much at all today. But I think Satan is getting at me again using lack of sleep and Belle tantrums. Praying he leaves me alone and Belle alone. Also praying for strength and patience. I know god will get me through this but I feel like I have no clue sometimes and an idiot when parenting! Satan probably talking again. Anyway prayers are appreciated'

Interesting day

So today I was supposed to work. I even went in but was sent home. The reason you ask? Well when I woke up this morning my right eye was extremely swollen and my eye was really red. No drainage at least not much. So I did my normal saline I. It and went about going to work. I saw the employee health nurse practitioner and she said it may or may not be pink eye but gave me erythromycin ointment anyway and said I had to go home for health safety. So home I went and picked Belle up from daycare.

No the interesting part in having to be sent home is that yesterday I was working on trying to figure out where and when I could get my fingerprint redone for the FBI clearance we need for the adoption. The next county over the sheriffs office does them but only Tuesday and thursday 4-630pm. And I work those days. So ironically God let me get pink eye so I could use today to get my fingerprints done! How weird! But good for our adoption. Paul is also getting his employment letter tomorrow and our physical forms are in the mail! So stuff is moving!!

The other thing that happened today was Lucy found a bunny nest in Belle's play area. Unfortunately she injured two of them by trying to play with them. The one will most definitely die , the other one can still move and stuff. I had put them in a box for protection but was told to put them back. So I did. When Paul got home he found another one that Lucy didn't get to. They are tiny though. About 2 inches long. I am hoping that the mother bunny will come back and move them If not we will have to figure out what to do with them and who to give them to. The one I am sure will be okay if she comes back and the one may be but if she doesn't come back, they won't survive without milk. So I am really not sure.

Anyway that's my interesting day!

A day off

So obviously I am off today. I have had a lot to do today but I am taking time to spend with my girl too! Since I last posted I had four days off for labor day weekend. To start I took off on Friday thinking before that we would go away for the weekend but we didn't so we just did stuff at home. So Friday I just did stuff around the house and Saturday was more house stuff. We had planned to go to a marine museum but it got too late. I was disappointed about that but not much I could do. I did however learn how to use the lawn mower and mowed the back yard for the first time ever in my life! I know sad but I never did it because of my allergies. And we did go to Cheeseburger in paradise for dinner then we went to Bjs to get food because we had nothing!! We spent a ton of money! I think it will last us a whole though so I feel like it was with it. Then Sunday we went to church then Lowes and Target. Then we went to a park for a picnic but it was raining so we didn't get out. Then we went to the Sweet Frog for frozen yogurt. It was different but yummy! You fill up with yogurt and toppings and pay by weight. Then Monday we did more around the house and then went to my moms for Glory's 21st birthday. That was fun and had yummy ice cream cake!

Other than that yesterday was work. But all was good. Today has consisted of laundry, dishes, crafts, nap, phone calls, and spending time with Belle. So I have been working on figuring out how and when I can get my fingerprints done or redone. I think I have it figured out but only if I get off early tomorrow. And I have been following up with reference letters for our adoption too! Trying to get everything finished so we can get the home study started. I am feeling like this is taking forever and way too long! But I am probably wrong. It's different for everyone! The doubt is just Satan being a jerk.

Speaking of being a jerk I will admit that I have not been being nice to Paul at all! I have just been totally annoyed with him over little things and everything! I think it may be a hormonal imbalance because I notice it every month around the same time. So I will be talking to my GYN later this month to see what I can take naturally that will help. Because even though it's not all the time it is affecting our marriage and I don't want that or want to feel the way I do.

I am more hopeful this week that I can handle our future adopted daughter. I am handling Belle better but I do still have that worry and concern there. My doubts about myself though are much better.

My friend who is in China right now picking up her adopted kids got the first one. And she is adorable! I cannot wait to meet her! Her name is Ella and it sounds like she is perfect for their family and will fit right in once she is adjusted!

Anyway that has been my life. Not that interesting or entertaining but it's mine!