Feeling attacked

So today was a little rough. Belle has been waking up at night either 2am or like today it was 5 am. I am very blessed because Paul gets up with her most of the time. She still wakes up about 7:30am even if she has been up crying. Today was no different except she woke up screaming and when I went to get her she didn't calm down. She still screamed and cried for "mommy and daddy". It was really strange, I told her I was right there but it was like it didn't register with her. I assume she is having nightmares. So this morning she was whiny, cranky, and just irritable. We still went to gymnastics, which was the last class. She had a good time and then I stopped by my friend's house to work on my adoption quilt design. She was okay there until we left she acted really tired. So on the way home I kept her awake so she would sleep after lunch. She ate lunch, and then for the next hour or so I tried to get her to go to sleep. Over and over again, I asked her what she wanted. I told her it was quiet time and she said "No". I left her in her room for a while but she was screaming and I was afraid she would get destructive again, so I didn't leave her like that. Then I tried sitting with her and rubbing her back and talking soothingly like my mom suggested, that also was a no go. Finally she calmed down and played quietly after I left again. But never slept so after about half an hour, I got her out again and took her outside. Throughout this she tried playing with my face, kicking me, and putting her feet in my face. By the time I took her outside I called Paul at my wits end because honestly I needed some time too! And at that point I was also feeling like a bad mom for letting her cry some, and for being angry and yelling at her some. Paul told me that was Satan attacking me and that I am a good mom. Once she was done playing we came inside and I let her watch "Little Einsteins" while I did stuff on the computer. On top of all that I did get laundry and dishes done. And this evening we ran errands together. We returned spray paint, bought duct tape, groceries, stopped at the bank, and returned books to the library. The only thing I didn't get done was posting the signs for our yard sale on Saturday. Paul said he will do that though.

At this point it is supposed to rain on Saturday, but we will be there selling rain or shine. I am praying though that it doesn't rain. And as I folded laundry tonight and even right now I am listening  to Pandora Christian Rock radio. It is totally helping me feel better. The Reese cups that Paul bought me won't hurt either! And I have a great friend who is giving me clothes for Belle and told me to put the money I would normally give her toward the adoption. I really am so blessed! And I am trusting that God will provide us the money. I am also praying that he provides me with patience with Belle and our other little girl. Today I felt like I wasn't even sure if I could handle another child, or deserved another child. Paul told me that is what makes me a good mom that I even think about those things. Paul is so good to me, he talked to me every time I called today and he came right home and is mowing the lawn in the dark because it needs to be done.

I can handle things and I am not going to let sadness or Satan take hold of me and win! I am strong and God will never give me anything I cannot handle! God help me to remember these things through this process, protect me from evil thoughts toward myself and others. And please help me to have patience with Belle and understand her. And help her to know that I love her more than anything. Bless Paul and thank you for him and please bless our finances for this adoption. Amen