What a month, what a year!

So the last time I posted it was mostly about thanksgiving and our adoption. So this time is a synopsis of the last few weeks since and my thoughts about things in the news.

The first thing I remember from writing last is the shooting in Connecticut. The only reason I knew about it is because I went into work extra that day because they were so busy and I saw it on the tv. It made me so sad and want to homeschool Belle or consider it again. But unfortunately I cannot protect her from everything. I can only do so much and that is why Paul and I dedicated her to God as a baby because we cannot protect her from everything bad no matter how hard we try. So we trust that God will take care of her and keep her safe. We also try to teach her they way to follow God. It broke my heart for all those parents who lost their children. And we cannot blame anyone except evil and the shooter. It is not the guns that made the decision to kill it was the man and the evil inside of him. I try not to post too much politics online but that one I think is important. We need to bring God back into our lives, our schools, and our nation. This is why there is so much evil and hatred. Though I am also realistic and know that even with God in our lives evil exists and will make appearance. So why make more strict gun laws when if people will kill they will kill and find a way todo so. Yes it may decrease numbers but it won't stop those who are truly determined and evil. It will stop those who want to protect themselves from doing so. Anyways enough said on that matter. I have prayed and thought of the parents, families, and other children throughout the month and that is what we should and all we can do.

So after that I have been working a lot! And getting ready for Christmas. Christmas was good but didn't feel like Christmas. Partially because I had to work and partially because Belle got super sick! She spiked temps on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to 104.7-105.6. And those were on antibiotics that we started the day before Christmas Eve! Her antibiotic got changed and she is now getting better! Praise God! Then Paul and I started not feeling well this week too. I think from being worn down taking care of Belle and trying to still do Christmas the way we wanted to. But we are all on the mend now for the new year!

The other thing we had a hard time with was finding out our grant we applied for for the adoption we will not hear about for at least a month! I was so upset to hear this because I was going to send out letters with our Christmas cards but I got over it and sent them out on Christmas Eve. Also we found out that we have to get uscis approval and that can take 6 weeks before we get an appointment! All I am hoping and praying for is to have our dossier submitted in February. No matter what we have to do even get a loan or whatever. But I also found out good news. Ethiopia is changing how they do the court dates for adoptive families so it goes a bit quicker and the US Ethiopian embassy may try to arrange visas for the kids sooner so it's possible we may only have to travel to Ethiopia once!!! This is my prayer!! And my hope!!! The other great news is that with our most recent fundraiser and the generous people that participated in our silent auction and some extra money we have gotten we have $1116 to put into our adoption account! This was truly my goal for our fundraiser and God provided it just in other ways!!! Plus we have some extra. God is so good and will provide exactly what we need!

So now the year is ending. These are the things that happened and I have been reflecting on some. We started out this ear at a concert by switchfoot and me considering and planning on starting college to get my bsn in the fall. Then Paul went to the adoption seminar and we decided to adopt. God called us to start sooner than later in March. We placed our application in the end of April. Paul and I went on a week long cruise with my mom and sister. We had a blast! We got approval for the Ethiopia program while on the cruise. We started our home study stuff in July. Paul got laid off within a week or two of starting the home study. He found a new and better job within two weeks so August first he had a new job. Mom and I went to women of faith and I saw Mandisa in concert!! Paul and I celebrated six years of marriage. Belle went trick or treating for the first time. Glory and I threw mom and surprise 50th birthday party. We both of our families over for thanksgiving. We had a big fundraiser and had great success due I generous family and friends. Belle actually "got" the whole Christmas and Santa thing this year. And she got sick the worst she ever has over Christmas. There may be a few things I forgot but these were the highlights. And I'm praying for a year of being and getting healthier and that our adoption does not get held up anymore and we get a referral by this time next year. I'm also praying for a more relaxed year without so much craziness and running around. Belle will start school this year and we will be waiting for Adeline. We will hopefully have one vacation and spend time with family and get stuff down around our house!

I hope everyone has a safe night tonight and happy new year!

Remembering

So today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 54. I miss him so much sometimes. I usually try to focus on the daily life and Belle and getting Adeline home rather than missing my dad. But today in taking a few moments to think, feel sad, and remember who he was. Dad was a great man and loved his family so much. He loved Belle more than She will sadly know first hand. He loved to laugh and joke. Some of his jokes were so silly and we got so tired of! But I now find myself telling them to Belle and trying to get her to say them too. I feel like he left too soon but I know that it was Gods plan for that to happen. At first when it happened I was somewhat angry with God wondering why he would give me such a great "replacement" dad and then take him away when I needed him and my mom. But I have learned that it wasn't about me. It was all about Gods plan for my dad, me, and our family. I can now relate more to those who have lost loved ones. God has helped me cope and grow through the loss of my dad and he may have even prepared me for something that will happen and I just don't know what it is yet. But I do know that everything does happen for a reason and God has his hand in everything. I can only try to tell Belle who he was, what he was like, and how much he loved her. And then tell Addie about him too. I think he would embrace our adoption and love her so much too! And mom gave me an idea today to get more money for our adoption that feels like it will be my dads support and donation to our fund and bringing Addie home. So happy birthday to my dad in heaven. I miss you and love you!

My sweet little girl!

So this morning we had a bunch of errands to run. So on our way to our first errand Belle was talking about God some and about how Jesus loves her. So I told her that Jesus died on the cross for her because he loves her. So we went another few minutes and Belle said she wants to go to heaven. I asked her if she knew how I do that and I think she said no. Anyway so I told her that to go to heaven she has to pray as tell God that she is sorry for sinning and that she believes that he sent Jesus to die for her and then that she will live for God. So I asked her if she wanted to pray that and she said yes. So I lead her in a prayer asking God to forgive her that she believes that Jesus died for her and that she will try to listen and live for him. It brought tears to my eyes! I don't know how much he actually understood but there is no doubt in my mind that she loves God and knows that he loves her! And she knows she is going to heaven and I will just pray for her that she follows him and had a personal relationship with him! But she knows that she will go to heaven and I believe that too! I love her so much and it was so amazing and sweet that she wanted to do that! I'm still not sure that she wasn't just parroting me but I don't think she was except the prayer. Then I added to it that she needs to ask forgiveness when she does wrong and God wants her to listen to mommy and daddy! ;-) today is definitely a proud momma day!!

Crazy weekend pictures!

Enjoy the pictures from our weekend! I'm pretty sure you can figure them out as to what is when and such!

Christmas lights at Flat Iron Farm!

Coffee featured from our online fundraiser and from Ethiopia!

My quilt, which has a heart in one middle block and Africa in the other middle block

Silent Auction!

Belle with Santa and she didn't cry!

The computer played our video

Ethiopia cookies!

Super Delicious Peppermint Mocha cupcakes!

More silent Auction items
And Below is the dessert at our fundraiser!

Crazy weekend!!!

So last Thursday I finished the adoption quilt then Friday I spent all day baking cookies for our fundraiser. I made chocolate chip and Ethiopia shaped sugar cookies with the flag colors for icing. I made 50 of the Ethiopia cookies! And can I just say I will NOT bake another sugar cookie for months right now! Then Saturday I had to finish the cookies and make the cupcakes. But we also wanted to do breakfast with Santa at my work. So we spent the morning doing that and Paul and I both felt exhausted so we took turns taking a nap since Belle had her nap in the car! Then I made the cupcakes and finished the cookies. Which the cupcakes were AMAZING!!! Peppermint Mocha, a recipe I got from another adoptive mom on Facebook! Then after dinner we drove down to a local farm to look at Christmas lights because they do a ton of lights and one house the lights blink to music on a radio station. Belle fell asleep on the way but I woke her up and she loved it!

Now for the really busy day was Sunday. We went to church and promptly had to have lunch super fast and get over to the hall to set up for our fundraiser! We got set up totally a little after one when it started. Thankfully my mom and mother-in-law helped and they were a great help!! We had just friends and family come, which was fine. I did advertise it, but without other people we still did great! We made $600!!! So thank you to all of the family and friends for supporting us, helping bake, set up, and donating to us! And I am so thankful too for the donations for the silent auction! So with this money, the money we already have saved and some extra that we need to add to it and the adoption grant we should get we should only have another $1000 to put into our Dossier. And we had a blast at our fundraiser talking to friends and family. The kids ran around like the crazies they are and it is just a joy!

So the only other thing we forgot about was the payment for our USCIS stuff, that is over $800 due when we submit it which needs to be soon. So I am just trying to pray and trust that God will provide a way to pay for that and hopefully soon! But it is all in his timing, so I trust him and hopefully Paul will be on board too.

Today was work and it was fine until 1630-1700! Then the floodgates opened and people just kept coming in! So I am tired, but good! So I think Paul just wants to chill out so we will work on adoption stuff later. Tomorrow, I will be cleaning, doing laundry, taking Belle to the doctor because she has been coughing and congested for almost two weeks, and running some other errands. So a busy day for me!

And super pathetic Belle moment this morning....I woke up to her asleep on our bedroom floor on her tummy! Poor girl! I don't know how long she had been there but Paul told me tonight he heard her get up but she didn't cry or anything and we had both been up with her once already so he left her be, well she went to sleep on the floor! I think she just wants to be close to us. Hoping she doesn't do that again!

My next post will be pictures from the weekend, so enjoy looking!

Christmas

So I was thinking on our way to go look at awesome Christmas lights tonight and seeing people collecting food and toys for people in need.....it's great to do that and all but why only this time of year.

God chose to give His ONLY son to us without asking anything truly of us and then His Son gave us His life so we can have eternal life. That is the ultimate gift and we know that. But what I'm thinking I that Jesus tells us to be like Him and He gave everything! Not expecting anything in return. All he asks is that we accept him as our savior and have a personal relationship with him.

So all that said means Jesus calls us to be like him giving everything, our all. I'm reminded of the story of the rich young man asking Jesus what he needed to do to have eternal life and Jesus responds by saying give everything you have away and come follow me. The young man walked away. So what I see is that our society today likes to give when it's convenient or "the season for giving". Well according to Christ shouldn't all the time be "the season for giving". What if he put that stipulation on our salvation. You can only get saved at this time if not sorry about your luck maybe next year. No he calls us to love and give ALL the time! Not just when society tells us it's a special time of year and people are in need. People are in need all year long! Hello! It's not going to end just because they have a nice Christmas dinner or their kids get a few gifts!

So my thinking and challenge is....give unconditionally. It doesn't have to be your money and only money but time too. We all need money so I get that but give some time to a kid who needs someone to look up to, help someone when they are down, hurt, volunteer to help people, the elderly, the poor. Don't just do it at christmas time! Lets live it out and show the world that we can and should give all year long not just because its Christmas! Lets get Christ back into Christmas and the whole year! I'm going to try to do better myself because God has laid it on my heart to give more than just at Christmas. I need to show the love of Christ more and more all through the year!

Adoption stuff and more!

So the last few days have been busy, just like I knew they would be! I worked last Saturday which from what I can no remember was busy but not crazy. Then I also worked Monday which I started out on call, but got called in. The day turned out to be busy with a revolving door to labor and delivery. Then yesterday I went to the library with Belle for story time, then to one of the court houses to get a letter certified, then to pick up the boating gift certificate and last to the grocery store! I also did laundry! It was a long busy day. But to my surprise and excitement we had a package left on our doorstep! It was our home study!! Yay!!! I'm so excited to have that done! Now we just need to send our USCIS stuff and mail a copy of our home study to Lifesong for our grant application through church!!! Then I worked today, which was even busier than Monday though I was mother/baby today. I just had a lot going on with m group! I am proud though, I started my first IV on a baby and got it on the first try!! I know it's probably not as exciting for other people but it was for me! So now the rest of my week is filled with picking up auction items, finishing the auction quilt, and baking for the fundraiser. I hope we get enough people to come and make a good amount of money. I have put a lot of time and effort to this and I just hope a lot of people come! Plus we will have super yummy coffee and cupcakes!! And we had a friend make a video for us about our adoption story and it turned out awesome!! If you would like to view the video it is on the right hand side of my page and it's the first You Tube video. Check it out! We are so blessed to have so many people that care and want to help us!! Thank you all so much!!

So tired!

So the last few days have been busy but pretty good. Monday I was paid on call for 12 hours and it was so nice! I needed that break to get stuff down around the house and I was off Tuesday so I had 4 days off in a row! Awesome! Wednesday was a decent day at work but can I tell you I am a labor nurse that's where my heart is. I like taking care of moms the day after sometimes but I like labor the best!

Then yesterday I worked on my adoption quilt. Its not the best and how I want it but it will have to do. I'm just a perfectionist! And on top of that I cleaned and did stuff around the house. Belle had a runny nose yesterday and I had the feeling she was getting sick. Last night was awful! I have her medicine to help her nose and cough but she ended up in our bed and we all slept bad. We would have even if she had not been in our bed because she was up every 15 minutes after 11 last night. By 5 am I called out because Paul won't make any money if he stays home with her. I at least get leave pay. It sucks because I feel calling out and leaving my coworkers in a bind but I need I put my family first and take care of us financially first as well.

Now adoption stuff. We finished our online training so we are just waiting for our report for our home study! Then it will be finalized and we can work on more fingerprinting stuff and finalizing our dossier stuff. Then hopefully getting it down in January. We are just praying that we get the funds for our matching grant that we will have once we get our home study in for it! As for our fundraiser I think it will be awesome! I'm just hoping we get enough people to come then it will be really great! We got a $100 gift certificate donated for a boat or jet ski rental too. We have about $800 worth of stuff in donations! Crazy! I just called and asked that's it! I really hope a lot of people come because if not the silent auction will have to e held or continued online which I may do anyway because we can probably get more return from that. And I just want to say thank you to all those who have donated and are helping our family!!

So that's my life and next week will be busy getting ready for the fundraiser and baking favors and cupcakes for the dessert and of course quilting but it will all be okay. Gods got this! He will provide the people and the funding! He provided the items for auction so he will provide the people too!

Continuing to be busy!!

So since I last posted we have had my mom's surprise birthday party which I so wanted to post about but couldn't because she reads this! And we have had Thanksgiving.

So mom's party was a hit! It was small but I think she loved it! She loves Jimmy Buffet and on an off chance actually met him over the summer outside of his concert waiting to get in of all places!! He was just standing off by himself and she being brave asked if he was in fact Jimmy which he denied but after convincing him to take a picture and researching the clothing he wore it was him!! Jimmy wrote a book called "A Pirate looks at 50", so in light of this and my mom turning 50 we had "A pirate turns 50" party for her!! And for once in my and Glory's lives we surprised my mom!! We had a banner with a pirate ship and treasure map plates, and table cloth, and the best thing was the treasure chest cake made by my friend Mandy and everything was edible!! Her birthday was the 15th but we had her party a week ago. And then Thanksgiving was at our house. Which was crazy because I worked everyday before Thursday except Monday!! But it was good and with the party and having family over on Thursday too Paul was such a big help in cleaning and getting the turkey ready. We did a pot luck Thanksgiving instead of putting the burden on one person. And it was delicious and warming to the heart to have my family and Paul's all here with us. Then Paul and I both worked on Friday which disappointed me because I wanted to go shopping with all the crazy people, but I went on Saturday and got most everything I wanted/needed without the hassle of big crowds, crazy, nasty people. So all is good! And we decorated for Christmas and got the tree up yesterday, which unfortunately the top lights on our prelit tree were out, so we had to buy a new one. Which we picked up today and I LOVE it!!

On top of all that craziness of my life, the adoption stuff has been crazy and stressful too! I am making a quilt for our coffee, dessert, and silent auction fundraiser on the 9th. (And making baby gifts). And I have been calling trying to get things donated for our auction, and get other fundraisers started too. Oh and trying to get the doctor to write our letters specifying what our mainly my conditions are and trying to get our home study report. So two things happened this month. One was the doctor telling me he didn't have time to write the letters for us and it would never happen, so I wrote them and got them approved, then when I called to tell them that he was working on them. So I am trying to get mine approved now, since he won't change anything else and keep mine to one page. I'm praying it's not a big deal. The second thing that happened was I expected earlier in the month to hear about our home study report and still had not heard as of last Monday. When we should have heard the beginning of the month. Anyway, long story short the agency wasn't sure what was going on with our social worker and they were concerned for her. Well, later this week we heard from her and what had happened and received our home study report to review and make any changes necessary! The sad thing that I have had to wrap my head around is that we will not be DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia) until sometime in January. My goal was for December 31st, but everything is in God's timing and maybe our process after DTE will speed up. I'm not counting on it, but anything is possible! I am anticipating a two year wait though. And the last adoption news is we are still waiting to hear about our grant from church. We are hoping to send a letter to family and friends with Christmas cards. So please pray we get this stuff and that we get the financing we need for our Dossier and that our upcoming fundraiser does really well!! Wee are working on advertising for it too, so praying!!

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Been busy!

I cannot believe it's been over a month since I have been on to write! Not that my life is super duper exciting but like I've said before it's my life! So the synopsis over the last month which was super busy by the way. Paul and Belle went to visit Paul's grandfather the beginning of the month for his birthday since he doesn't travel much anymore. On the trip Belle never wet her pull up or panties for 5 hours straight in the car!! Since then she has been in panties and is pretty much potty trained, although she does have accidents a few times a week and we are still working on the pooping in the potty. But she is doing great! Paul also found out on this trip that his cousin and her husband are adopting from Haiti!! Now the interesting part is the last time we were up visiting with them, neither she nor I were pregnant. We both however got pregnant within a month of each other! Our due dates were two weeks apart. And so our kids are about three weeks apart and now we are both adopting inter-racially and internationally! It makes me so excited! Then the next weekend we got our family pictures done. Thanks to Kathy Passmore Photography! Then the weekend of the 20th the three of us were in Paul's other cousin's wedding in Richmond, Va. They got married at the Edgar Allen Poe Museum which was pretty cool and was a great setting for family pictures! I got awesome pictures of Belle too! We had a good time and spent time with family we don't see often at all. Then the next weekend I worked a craft fair for our adoption and made $16. And I sold nothing that I made! We also did a bake sale that weekend and made $68 total for our adoption between both. Then Hurricane Sandy arrived the beginning of the week. I worked during the first portion of the  hurricane and thankfully we never lost power or had any damage! Then it was Halloween and we took Belle trick or treating for the first time. She liked it, but we didn't go to a lot because I didn't want her to have a bunch of candy. But she liked it! We also had to buy a new tv last month because ours stopped working properly.

This month has been busy too. I worked last weekend and then worked an extra shift for someone. Which this week put me three days in a row. I was totally done by yesterday evening! Work has been a tad stressful lately with some critical patients but it is gaining me experience, so I appreciate that as long as the outcome is okay. And praise God my chocolate fast was over on the first!!

Now for adoption updates. We had all of our home study visits last month and are just waiting to view our report. Once we receive the report we will have everything we need for our grant, and send the rest of that stuff in. We are currently working on the online training (which I should be doing now instead of this but oh well). And we are still trying to sell a few things. We  are currently also doing a Mary Kay fundraiser thanks to our friend Jacy Wolfe who is donating her profits to our adoption! We are also going to be doing Chick-Fil-A calendar sales once I talk to the marketing director. And we are doing a Coffee, Dessert, and Silent Auction fundraiser December 9th. I have been working on a quilt for the auction and have a couple photography pieces for it so far. Another photographer will be donating a photo session and package, and today I called around and we will be getting baseball game tickets, play tickets, and wine tasting tickets! I was thrilled and so excited that people are just donating and so willing to help!! The tickets for the fundraiser are $5 a piece and kids are free. We are going to feature the coffee from our online fundraiser that is from Ethiopia. I am so excited! I just need to buy the coffee, the cookie cutter, and the supplies for the cupcakes. We are giving out a favor which will be a cookie in the shape of Ethiopia with the flag colors. And I need to arrange for someone to do Christmas music for us. Any takers?! So some snags we have run into is needing to finish the online training quickly, not getting our home study report quickly, and not getting our detailed medical letters from our doctor. The letters is the biggest snag because he told me he didn't have any time at all to write them and that he didn't think he would be able to. I cried after talking to him about it. But then when I emailed our family coordinator she said to write it and have him approve it. So I did that and wrote our application letters last night. I was feeling very anxious about everything we have to get done, but I am feeling much calmer because I am checking things off! And I have just been praying that God will provide the money we need for our adoption and I am going to see what I can do to get the word out about our silent auction so hopefully we will make a decent amount for our dossier submission. Anyway, that's about it on adoption stuff.

Belle is doing well, although she is hitting at daycare. But she is getting better about listening and staying in time out. She was having trouble and needing us to fall asleep and not going to sleep until 9 or after. But after a week and half of "training" she is doing better again.

I think that is all for now. I will try to keep up a little better!

Rough mommy day

Today started out okay. Belle woke up before 7 but I stayed in bed since Paul was getting up. Since he left though she has had issues listening and it has been testing my patience big time. I have yelled today more than I have in a while. It plucks my nerves when she deliberately does not listen. I did get things done today. I vacuumed, started laundry, made breakfast cookies, did some projects, and made roasted zucchini chips for lunch. I had Belle help and make some Christmas gifts and help with the cookies. She still was not listening though. She is feeling better since sleeping last night, but she was still tired. So I tried to put her down for a nap at noon and I needed it too. Well, she got out of bed three times. Once to try to get into my bed, once for water, and once because she messed the bed. This was all over an hour or so. Once I had her cleaned up and the bed changed, she screamed. All throughout this she was screaming or crying for something. I tried to cuddle with her, I let her in my bed with me, I got her water, I sang to her, and I tried to let her cry it out. She also screamed that top of the lungs I am ticked off scream at me, and mind you this was not my greatest moment, but I did it back at her. I think I scared her, and I told her she didn't like it and neither did I. She began to calm down by that point and the last thing that finally worked and by this time she was exhausted was I took her shirt off because it was wet and tucked her in after snuggling with her and told her to go to sleep. The only reason she probably stayed was she was too exhausted anymore.

So going to take it easy the rest of the afternoon and finish laundry and make dinner. Other than that not much because I only napped for 15 minutes or so. I also think she needs my attention and to spend time with me so I will. I love her to death, but parenting is not for the weak!

Sick

So Monday was a good day. Though busy we were at least able to get a nap! I went to my annual GYN visit and discussed my feelings of PMS and how much it is affecting my life. So he suggested taking Black Cohash to help since I don't want anything that is not natural. Then we had cold stone creamery with mom and went to the craft store. I got stuff for the bridal shower for Saturday for Paul's cousin. Then we ended up getting home late because I had to meet up with a few people. And we met with someone from a company about buying meat that is preservative, steroid, and antibiotic free. As of right now we are going to try it out, but will need a deep freezer too! So we will be adding that to our kitchen until someday when we can afford a garage.

Yesterday I worked and it was a stressful and busy day. I had to catch up a lot on charting and it was just busy. When I got home Belle had a runny nose and she got to bed late which always messes with her and she cries more. But once she fell asleep she was okay, until she couldn't breathe through her nose. She kept waking up crying and was difficult to comfort. I felt bad for her, so I gave her some benadryl and hooked up her humidifier. They didn't work! :-(  She ended up in our bed and she kept kicking me in the back. On top of that she was up every 2-3 hours and had difficulty sleeping. I did not feel right about sending her to day care like that and exposing the other kids to whatever illness she has, so I called out of work today and stayed home with her. She was up at 7 and whinny! She got so cranky and whinny that I laid her down and I laid down for a nap at 1030 which is totally off of our schedule but she is sick. I also am pretty sure she at least has a low grade fever, but I am not going to take her temperature unless I have to. After the first nap she wasn't as whinny and we watched a movie from my childhood. We watched Rainbow Bright and the Star Stealer! She liked it and sat and watched the whole time! Then I tried to lay her down again for another nap. She fought me, but I think she fell asleep for a little bit but her coughing woke her up. So then she asked to get into bed with me, but then all she did was talk and play. So I put her back in her bed and we both got at least 30 minutes of sleep. I am hoping tonight goes better and she is feeling better tomorrow so I can get stuff done.

My plan for tomorrow is to make the prizes for the shower, make some cookies for my meeting on Friday (and for us!), make roasted butternut squash and zucchini chips. Oh, and do laundry, vacuum the house and maybe work on my quilt or another project I have going! And I need to start making Christmas gifts!
Then Friday I have a meeting then I work until 7. Saturday is the bridal shower and Sunday is my break. Next week I work every other day. I only get off three days, and this week is four but not all together. I am hoping I don't get sick though!

Weekend

So this weekend was super busy for all of us! Friday night we went to the local pumpkin farm and! had dinner, rode the train, ate cupcakes and just had fun! Then Saturday I worked while Paul got stuff done at home. Then he and Belle went to a Blue Crabs game. She had a blast from what I heard. They didn't get home until 1030pm! So I had some mommy time to myself! I watched two movies, got myself mexican for dinner with a margarita and chilled out after a busy day at work! Then yesterday we went to church and then to the church picnic which we didn't get home until after 6! So it was a good weekend. I also really like the sermon and some points Pastor Michael made. So I will spell them out. And it was a funny service too, because there was a really loud cricket chirping throughout the sermon! It was pretty hilarious. I think it was in the baptismal! Too funny!

Okay, so here it goes on my take on the sermon. To give some background we have been in a series called ABC. The A stands for Admit, admit that you have sinned, the B for believe that Christ is Savior and rose from the dead, and C, commit your life to following Him. Our sermon this week was on commit. Commit your life to Him and following Him. Some points that pastor made that stood out to me but were not key bullets I think maybe should have been. So the story behind it all is the story of the prodigal son. The son who tells his dad, you are dead to me give me my money, then spends it and hits rock bottom, then comes back asking for forgiveness. So there is the background briefly. We all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God, so we all need to admit that, and then we believe that He is God and rose from the dead to pay for our sins. Then commit our lives to following, but when we commit it needs to be a constant commitment, not for a while. Daily we sin and daily we need to ask for forgiveness, strength to do what it right, and will to resist what is wrong. "Our belief needs to match our behavior." We believe that something is wrong, we need to show it and not act that way or do that thing. This is what separates the "fans from the followers". Fans follow when things are good and going their way, it is "me" thinking. Followers follow when times are good and bad. This is "family" thinking. So question...can you still be a follower but sin or does that make you a fan? Yes, you can be a follower and sin, because we are all sinners! Fan or follower you are a sinner, so am I! Trust me I am far from perfect! The difference though is the follower daily admits sin, repents, and tries to do better. Sin is everywhere and "in the middle of sin is I". Meaning when you sin its all about you. sIn equals selfishness. So, personally I already ask forgiveness almost daily, and I know there is something throughout the day that I have done wrong. And I try to do better after or the next day. I want to be close to my God, He gives me comfort when I am hurt or broken. I am committed to living for Him and trying to be more like Him. So let me ask you, what is your choice? Are you needing to be saved in general and admit or do you need to commit and live for God daily?

Busy busy!

So last week was pretty busy. The rest of the week went like this. I worked Thursday and took off on Friday because I thought Paul and I may go away for our anniversary but we didn't. So Friday I had a doctor appointment scheduled that was a mistake and basically I really did not have an appointment, so I drove to Waldorf for no reason. But I did get to go to the Christmas Tree Shop and got some good deals on things for gifts and some crafts for Belle. WE also went to the grocery store and home. We just kind of chilled out and I think I cleaned a little. I honestly cannot remember! How sad is that! Saturday was long but fun. We took Belle to the county fair and Paul did sound for a wedding at church afterward. Then we all came home and Paul and I went on a date for our anniversary. Which did not go quite as planned. I think we were both so tired from the fair and everything that we forgot to give Paul's parents the key to our house and we forgot to grab our gift card for the movies! We realized all this at dinner. Anyway we went to dinner and the movie and Paul's parents just kept Belle overnight. We saw The Bourne Legacy, which was good. We skipped church the next day because it was our anniversary and we just needed to chill out at home. We did go out to lunch with Paul's parents for his dad's birthday. But other than that we chilled and cleaned the house. It was nice just being together and getting things accomplished. So it was a busy but good weekend! And Belle loved the fair and riding the pony! She was so cute and it's even cuter with her talking about the pony still!

Another thing that occurred with me last week....was while I was on my way to work on Thursday morning I was praying about everything in general. I was praying and thinking about our adoption, praying for Paul and I, Belle and finances. God told me to fast and to fast from chocolate specifically. I have been eating a lot of chocolate and sweets in general. I think I have gained weight because of it, and I have been turning to sweets instead of God. So as if Thursday last week with the exception of Saturday for our anniversary, I have given up chocolate until November first. I thought and prayed about just a few weeks but God told me November. I felt like He was asking me to do this to show him that I trust him and he will take care of us financially and especially with our adoption. I felt like I needed to do something else for our family and our adoption. So goodbye chocolate for now. And honestly, it hasn't been that hard, difficult but not really hard....yet!

I cannot remember if I posted about our adoption last week either, so here it is. We are just waiting for our social worker to call us and schedule our first home visit! We should hear by this coming Tuesday. And our friends that were in China getting their kids got home tonight! I cannot wait to meet those kiddos! We watched their other kids Tuesday night into Wednesday and Paul did most of the work. He was a champ and did a great job!

So things going on this week. Monday I cleaned and we closed to pool. So summer is officially over. I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. Which just leaves today. So today I did laundry, cleaned, played with Belle, napped, went to the Amish market, and picked up my check and items left from the consignment shop.

Updates on my crazy girl. She is a nut, but what else is new! She is sometimes good at listening and stopping what I tell her especially after time out. However with time out recently she is saying immediately after being placed there that she has to go potty, as she pees herself. She is doing this on purpose to get out of time out. I put her back after she is cleaned up but the message is not sinking. So I am going to other plans and plan to keep her in time out until it's over then get her cleaned up. She is also in the "I need" everything stage. It really is funny to listen sometimes. She is getting better about not hitting me. And she is really starting to pretend play. She is doing pretend play with her kitchen and her babies and it is so cute to watch! She can also bring her toes up when she hangs on the rings or monkey bars mostly by herself! I have also taken away her booster seat because she plays too much in it. So she is in a regular chair like us now. Getting her to sleep is easier again, we are just putting her down and leaving and she is staying in bed. She loves to give hugs and love what we call Belle sandwich where Paul and I hug and squish her between us. She also is a bossy little thing. Tells us to get up, leave, and whatever else she wants. It is funny to hear her. And she loves to cook and do projects as we call them!

I think that is it for now. I am fasting, working on praying more, and working on staying clam and empathetic with Belle. Also I am working on feeling kinder toward Paul and spending more time with him. Thank you for reading about my simple crazy life!

September 11th and beyond

So I know I wrote last week but not too much has happened since then only that I feel more stable mentally, emotionally, and I don't feel as crazy!

So yesterday as most know marked the 11 year anniversary of September 11, 2001 which happened to be a Tuesday, and so obviously was yesterday. So thoughts around that date were more prominent. I was a junior in high school, Paul and I were dating. He was the one to tell me what had happened and honestly I did not know what he was talking about "Twin Towers" but when he said the Pentagon, I knew it was bad! After people started finding out, it was chaotic. Kids were being picked up from school left and right. The seniors were escorting kids to cars to leave. Glory and I were taken to our church right next door where my mom was running her parent's day out program. So she was flustered because she was responsible for a bunch of kids as well. I remember we cleaned up the church from the kids, my grandparents were there and then I saw my dad. My dad was always a reserved guy when it came to emotions and expressing himself especially in church. That day I saw him kneel at the alter for the first time and pray. He was shaken. He was in the navy before and still worked as a government contractor for the navy, so before he came I was worried about him. I also remember our youth pastor streamed the news into the sanctuary onto the projector. And that evening we had a prayer and worship service. It is a day I will never forget and almost is hard to believe that I witnessed it. I also remember that say was a beautiful day, crystal clear blue skies. So strange. So yesterday had a lot of emotions wrapped into it. But I want to say thank you to all those who served, and are serving our country. We are safe because of you! And kudos to President Bush at the time for taking action, some did not like him or agree with him totally during his term, but I was thankful for his decision to declare war on terrorism. This war is not over and most likely the war on terror never will be, there will always be those who desire evil and cause terror in others. But their day of judgment will come from God but at the same time, we will continue to fight it and protect ourselves and our children.

Yesterday was also a slightly frustrating day or evening I should say. Obviously I can't go into details, but I will say that I was happy to leave and not look back! The good thing that happened yesterday though was that all of our documents for our adoption have been approved! All we have to get is letters from the doctor discussing our conditions (mine) and surgeries. We also got in the e-mail that we will be starting our home visits soon!! I am excited and nervous, but I know that it will be okay. The social worker is here to help us adopt not tell us we can't and shoot us down.

So today was good, other than waking up at 0630 because little one climbs in our bed and doesn't go back to sleep! The only other thing was the lady at the doctors office was a little curt with me about the medical letters for the adoption which had me almost in tears, but I got over it. We went to the park where I met a friend. Belle and her little boy played so nice and were so cute together! Belle also ended up barefoot, that would totally be my girl! And we had a decent nap, and watched Cars 2. I also did get dishes and laundry done, so I was productive okay?! :-)  And on another good note, Belle is going to sleep much better! We had two nights where she got out of bed after putting her down, but now she stays in bed and she is going to bed at 7:30 because otherwise she doesn't get enough sleep and is so cranky! So she is better rested and so am I. She is much more relaxed and so am I!

God is good and I thank him for all that he has given me! I pray that I can continue to feel this good and normal again. I also pray that our visits and adoption stuff goes smoothly and he continues to provide the funds for us!

Rough day

This morning started at 0600 with Belle in our bed from the middle of the night and waking up because Paul was up. I tried to no avail to get her back to sleep. So started my day. I ended up finally getting up around 7 after trying to get her to sleep. By 8ish I was calling around trying to find someone to take care of the bunnies we found yesterday. The one died last night and the other later today. We saved the well one at least. The other task I accomplished this morning was going trough Belle's baby clothes to sell to the consignment shop and arranging the other things I have to take there. I tried to get into the big children's consignment that happens twice per year but it was full. So maybe in the spring. In the meantime Belle got tired and cranky and so did I. So around 11ish I tried to get her to nap. She fell asleep around 1130 so I went to sleep only to wake up to her crying half hour later!!! I tried to get her to go back to sleep for at least a half hour. Then I told her we would have lunch and then quiet time again. Well that didn't work. I tried and tried but she screamed, kicked, and got up time and time again. Until she said I get up mommy. So I didn't then I called my mom to complain who gave me some good advice and reminded me she is constantly changing and needing different things. I was in tears because I was so tired and in need of some help, a hug, or I don't know what! Anyway we went outside to play for a while until we had to leave to drop the bunny off at a rehab place. I am hoping it'll be okay. So we did that and guess who fell asleep in the car. I know it's no big surprise but geez she could have done it earlier so I could sleep too! Anyway baby bunny got dropped off and we went to the park in our neighborhood on the way home. When checking he mail I found our medical letters for our adoption all notarized!! Not much more to do!! So that was good! And Belle started throwing fits again so I gave her dinner early. Paul is bringing home comfort food at my request: pizza and ice cream!! And I am just waiting a bit to give Belle and bath and have her ready for bed. Then working on adoption stuff tonight.

I really felt like a bad mom today and a lazy wife. I didnt do much at all today. But I think Satan is getting at me again using lack of sleep and Belle tantrums. Praying he leaves me alone and Belle alone. Also praying for strength and patience. I know god will get me through this but I feel like I have no clue sometimes and an idiot when parenting! Satan probably talking again. Anyway prayers are appreciated'

Interesting day

So today I was supposed to work. I even went in but was sent home. The reason you ask? Well when I woke up this morning my right eye was extremely swollen and my eye was really red. No drainage at least not much. So I did my normal saline I. It and went about going to work. I saw the employee health nurse practitioner and she said it may or may not be pink eye but gave me erythromycin ointment anyway and said I had to go home for health safety. So home I went and picked Belle up from daycare.

No the interesting part in having to be sent home is that yesterday I was working on trying to figure out where and when I could get my fingerprint redone for the FBI clearance we need for the adoption. The next county over the sheriffs office does them but only Tuesday and thursday 4-630pm. And I work those days. So ironically God let me get pink eye so I could use today to get my fingerprints done! How weird! But good for our adoption. Paul is also getting his employment letter tomorrow and our physical forms are in the mail! So stuff is moving!!

The other thing that happened today was Lucy found a bunny nest in Belle's play area. Unfortunately she injured two of them by trying to play with them. The one will most definitely die , the other one can still move and stuff. I had put them in a box for protection but was told to put them back. So I did. When Paul got home he found another one that Lucy didn't get to. They are tiny though. About 2 inches long. I am hoping that the mother bunny will come back and move them If not we will have to figure out what to do with them and who to give them to. The one I am sure will be okay if she comes back and the one may be but if she doesn't come back, they won't survive without milk. So I am really not sure.

Anyway that's my interesting day!

A day off

So obviously I am off today. I have had a lot to do today but I am taking time to spend with my girl too! Since I last posted I had four days off for labor day weekend. To start I took off on Friday thinking before that we would go away for the weekend but we didn't so we just did stuff at home. So Friday I just did stuff around the house and Saturday was more house stuff. We had planned to go to a marine museum but it got too late. I was disappointed about that but not much I could do. I did however learn how to use the lawn mower and mowed the back yard for the first time ever in my life! I know sad but I never did it because of my allergies. And we did go to Cheeseburger in paradise for dinner then we went to Bjs to get food because we had nothing!! We spent a ton of money! I think it will last us a whole though so I feel like it was with it. Then Sunday we went to church then Lowes and Target. Then we went to a park for a picnic but it was raining so we didn't get out. Then we went to the Sweet Frog for frozen yogurt. It was different but yummy! You fill up with yogurt and toppings and pay by weight. Then Monday we did more around the house and then went to my moms for Glory's 21st birthday. That was fun and had yummy ice cream cake!

Other than that yesterday was work. But all was good. Today has consisted of laundry, dishes, crafts, nap, phone calls, and spending time with Belle. So I have been working on figuring out how and when I can get my fingerprints done or redone. I think I have it figured out but only if I get off early tomorrow. And I have been following up with reference letters for our adoption too! Trying to get everything finished so we can get the home study started. I am feeling like this is taking forever and way too long! But I am probably wrong. It's different for everyone! The doubt is just Satan being a jerk.

Speaking of being a jerk I will admit that I have not been being nice to Paul at all! I have just been totally annoyed with him over little things and everything! I think it may be a hormonal imbalance because I notice it every month around the same time. So I will be talking to my GYN later this month to see what I can take naturally that will help. Because even though it's not all the time it is affecting our marriage and I don't want that or want to feel the way I do.

I am more hopeful this week that I can handle our future adopted daughter. I am handling Belle better but I do still have that worry and concern there. My doubts about myself though are much better.

My friend who is in China right now picking up her adopted kids got the first one. And she is adorable! I cannot wait to meet her! Her name is Ella and it sounds like she is perfect for their family and will fit right in once she is adjusted!

Anyway that has been my life. Not that interesting or entertaining but it's mine!

More attacks

So the last week has been rough for me personally. Satan is wearing on my nerves! He is using my tiredness, Belle, and Paul to get to me. Lack of sleep is making me cranky, and Belle has been cranky not always sleeping well and therefore tantrum central. So my patience has bee really thin with her. And then for what reason other than I am tired and cranky this morning I picked a fight with Paul over chores and stuff. Then continued it when he got off work. Why I don't really know. I am tired of doing a majority of the house chores alone, but will that change? I don't know. I know there are people out there that do all of it, caring for children, cleaning everything, and working but I am a more anxious person and cannot handle everything myself. I just hope God always keeps that in mind for his plans for my life! Sorry for griping a bit about chores. Anyway, i was totally not nice to Paul and Belle some this week. Satan has also been filling my head with negative thoughts about myself as a mom and wife. I have had thoughts that I don't deserve to adopt and such. And as these thoughts enter, I know they are lies but after a while it's hard to not believe it. I am going to focus more on praying and reading the Bible, so maybe I am better prepared for Satan's attacks. And I am so thankful for the friends and family I have to encourage me when I am feeling down. I know who I can text, e-mail, or call and they will help me, listen to me, and pray for me. Thank you! You know who you are!

On another note, and one of the reasons why I was so tired today was because I stayed late at work last night to help because they needed extra hands. My co-workers are great and a great team to be part of!

And this week my friend left to get her two kids from China that they are adopting! They will be gone from their biological kids for three weeks. So please pray for them on their adoption journey, safe travels, bonding with the adopted kiddos, that they stay feeling well, and that they get rest!

As far as our adoption is concerned, we got some of our papers for our dossier approve this week. But I also have to get my FBI fingerprints redone. I am trying to figure out where I can do that! And I am working on making some crafts to sell to raise money. We have also gotten more money by selling things! Money for our dossier that we hope to submit by the end of the year!! Praying for the money to submit our dossier to Ethiopia by the end of this year, please pray with me!

Pray that Satan takes a break from me and my family right now because I worry that I am in over my head with this adoption! Thank you for reading and prayers!!

Been a while!

Wow! I just realized how long it's been since I last posted! Well, for starters Paul's job is going well. He likes the place, the people, and the pay has been decent. This week will probably be the first week that he doesn't get close to 40 hours, but that is okay and that is the nature of his profession. We had our physicals for our adoption, which went well. We are just waiting for the form to be notarized and sent back. We sent in our fingerprints and should have our clearances soon. The work on our house started last week. The dug new footers and put in the concrete. Now they just need to install the new beams. I cannot remember if I posted how much it was but thankfully it is only $4500 for all the work! I was so relieved when I heard that! The last few weeks have just been routine living for the most part. Belle is now potty training big time. She is wearing panties at home. She has some accidents, but does fairly well. She has stopped fighting me so much about going potty. Before she was screaming, stiffening her body and refusing. She has however been throwing more tantrums and screaming in my face. I am working on being more consistent with punishments and consequences. It is very difficult though because there are times where I just don't feel like following through because I am tired. The devil attacks me when I am tired and my fuse is a lot shorter. But I survive and so does Belle. I also went to Women of Faith last week and it was awesome!! I haven't been in three years since I found out I was pregnant with Belle. So the testimonies, advice, and stories I saw in a different light this time. I took parenting and life advice and teaching. And I saw Mandisa in concert again!! She was awesome! I love her! I tried to meet her, but was too late, so I was extremely disappointed by that, but I will see and meet her someday and tell her how much her song "He is with you" affected me and my life. I started training someone at work as well, which I did back in January and did not work out so well, but now is going very well. That's the synopsis of the last few weeks.

I am also working on fundraising for our adoption. We had a "wet hair cut" fundraiser last Sunday and in four hours made $265!! I am also working on making some crafts to sell to make money for our adoption. I have so many ideas about how to make money, but I doubt myself and whether they will actually sell or not. So I think I may post things to Facebook and see if I get interest in them, and maybe do a craft fair. If I don't get much interest then I will not make more and sell more. We have officially chosen a name for our Ethiopian girl. I will wait to post that later since there are restrictions on doing things like that until you pass court and the child is definitely yours. So it will remain a mystery until much later. Paul and I are also thinking this will take much longer than I had anticipated and thought. But all in God's timing. I am guessing that Belle will be 4 by the time we bring our girl home (hopefully!). I know God is preparing us for this and preparing our hearts. I read a blog last night that goes through the adoption process in steps (emotionally) and then the first year. And she hits the first stage and I am sure all of the stages on the head. We are in the stage of dreaming, wanting, and hoping for our little girl. It's like a pregnancy again, but without the body changes, hormones, and the definite arrival date. I am also praying that in the next year or at the very least once we get her home, I can work part time. I think I may have to because of her needs and I don't want to leave her with anyone except family initially until we are adjusted and that could be a year! And God is providing the funds also, not only with fundraising opportunities but everything. I am so excited to see what God has in store for us and our family. God is providing everything we need for our family plus. And if he didn't want this adoption to take place we wouldn't be getting the funds. The only reason I think it really takes so long and you hit bumps in the road is Satan. Satan wants you to suffer and give up, but God does not and will help you through everything if you just trust Him! I trust Him with all of our finances! We have been tithing more since May and He has provided enough even with the job loss, and still enough to put some into savings!

I will try to post again soon and maybe post some of my crafts to sell!!

Praising God

So honestly I cannot remember when I last posted. But here is the synopsis of the last few days or half of the week. Most importantly Paul got a job. He started on Monday. It comes with health insurance if we want it, tool money every week, and a regular base flat rate pay. Which for those who don't know what that is, it is commission. So two weeks and he has another job. So far he likes it. He likes the owners and the other guys that work there. Oh, and the other major plus....he is 20 minutes from home! So we are now both 20 minutes from work.

Work last week was so weird! We barely had any patients. This week is a little different but I still got on call for my overtime. Which defeated the purpose but whatever I still got paid a few dollars per hour to stay home.

As far as adoption things go, Paul and I got our physicals and just need some blood work and we are good to go. The doctor is kindly getting our papers notarized himself so we don't have to do it! And I am able to read Paul's pod since I am an RN! The doctor was fine with that so Paul doesn't have to miss work again. We have also decided instead of doing a spaghetti luncheon fundraiser we will do a coffee and dessert with silent auction fundraiser at Christmas! We will e featuring the coffee from the company we are doing another fundraiser through which has Ethiopian coffee. So of course we will feature that! I am excited about that most! And we will also be doing a "wet cut" fundraiser for hair cuts! Thanks to a dear friend for doing that one for us!

So we (or at least I was) concerned about money and bills for the month. And before I got my last paycheck for the month I was doing some serious number crunching and figuring out how to make the bills. I was to the point of using every last spare dollar we had in checks to pay bills. Then I got paid. I had not gotten paid what I should have for a call shift that I was called in for in June. So that was in this check. Wouldn't you know that after that deposit without any cash I had enough to pay bills! I maybe need a little more but I really don't that I do! And once Paul gets last weeks severance we will even be able to save some money for the month! And we have decided to pay ourselves to get our house fixed instead of borrowing from anyone and we will pay our savings back every month like we would a loan but without interest. God is good and has provided exactly what we need! Thank you Lord and I praise you for talking care of my family! I trust Him with everything. It is hard but this alone has shown me he truly cares and will take care of us! Thank you!

God's providing

So today didn't quite turn out exactly the way I would like and didn't start off the greatest. Belle woke up at 0630 today and was cranky and extremely difficult!! She threw a tantrum immediately and continued to throw them. However, this was because she was tired. She also refuses to go to the potty for me, yet she sits fine on the toilet for Paul and goes hourly and pees for my mom. And then trying to get her to take a nap today was awful! I ended up putting her in our bed and napping with her, because every time I put her into her bed she freaked out totally! After her nap though up until now for bed has been very pleasant and happy. But it seems we are needing to teach her to sleep on her own again. Anyway, that is my parenting woes for now.

This morning I called to see if the estimate on the work for our house was ready. He called back about half hour later. I was dreading it. He told me everything that needed to be done which is, lifting the house, digging new footers, placing new columns, and readjusting the current beam. The grand total was $4500! I was shocked! I thought it would be more like $10,000. I felt so relieved and blessed. I did have to tell him that I need a week to figure out financing though, because of Paul's job loss. We are in the process of trying to figure out what we need to do. Either asking people to loan us money and pay them back once Paul has a job or worst case we will have to take out a personal loan or credit card. Now I am not a fan of this and normally would not do this or recommend it, but we do not have enough in our savings account to pay outright for it on top of not knowing when Paul will find another job. So we are praying that God will provide a way to do this as well.

Then all day it seems Paul has either gotten calls about jobs, stopped to see about them and no one needs anyone now but will in a few weeks. So Paul has prospects but just not right now. Though he did get another call tonight that he missed asking for a call back at one of the local shops. Paul is also trying to figure out if this is really what he wants to do for the rest of his career life. I am afraid that the same thing will happen at another shop that happened at the last and I am also concerned about money because with him working commission it is inconsistent and usually does not include benefits. Which puts me at a loss because I want to work part time and be home. And at part time hours the benefits at work more than double.

When Paul checked the mail today, there was a note and check from a friend too. Our friend said to use it for whatever we need whether for bills and such or our adoption. I am very touched by this and so thankful! It is so generous and such a blessing!

We both feel that God is taking care of us and blessing us. Paul I think is getting the message that number one God is taking care of us and number two this is what he needs to stick with doing for right now. However, we both feel God pulling us toward ministry more and more. We are wanting more and more to do missions and help other people. I am not sure what God has in store for us there as far as that is concerned, as of right now we will wait for him to reveal his plan to us.

And with all this blessing did come a Satan attack. Mostly on me, which ended up affecting Paul too, because basically I blew up on him and cursed. I am not proud of this, but also after my post last night about Christians being sinners too, I figured this was a good example. He really didn't deserve it, but I did what I call a verbal vomit. I basically told him everything that I was feeling at the time without regard to what I was saying and how it would make him feel. Hence the vomit part. I know the mental image is not so pretty but what I did was not so pretty either. So Satan was trying to get me and our marriage at the same time. Not that it is Satan's fault for my actions. I have asked Paul and God to forgive me already. And I know they both have. I am not perfect and never will be, but all I can do is try to improve and ask God for help to be the woman, wife, and mother he wants me to be.

Rant

Alright, so I am going to rant for a minute here. I am seeing so much on facebook about Chick-Fil-A and not supporting gay rights and people's disapproval of that. So here it goes. God call us to love one another, to even love our enemies. Jesus sat, dined, hugged, and spent loads of time with sinners. Now, I work with people who are openly homosexual. I like them and love them as people. Do I approve of their lifestyle? No, I don't and I am open about my beliefs. Will I support their marriage by attending their wedding? No, but I will be happy for them as a person, that they are happy.  Do I go up to them and say "I think you are wrong for living the way you do."? No I don't. I accept them for who they are, I do not judge them. Judging is not my right, it's Gods. We are all sinners, whether it is lying, cheating, homosexuality, murder, or jealousy. The only thing that really matters is our relationship with Jesus Christ and no one can say what that is except that person whether they are saved. And even once you are saved, guess what?! You still sin!! Guess what now? God still loves you! His love is unconditional! So no matter what sin you commit, God loves you! And God calls us to be like him in mind and spirit! So to be like him in mind and spirit you love all people no matter what. No matter what their past is, their sexual orientation, or how they choose to live their life now.

And as far as Chick-Fil-A goes for being honest and open about their stand on gay marriage, that is what they believe. It is no different from what I believe and I will support the company because I agree with them. When you think about this company and their beliefs, also think to yourself and ask yourself these questions. Are they shutting the doors to gay couples? Are they discriminating against gay couples and not serving them? Are they protesting against gay marriage? If the answers to your questions are no, then what's the problem? If there is a problem then it is you. You are the one discriminating against those who want to believe what the Bible says and you are discriminating against those who believe that it is wrong.

All I want to do is give a little perspective with all of the media out there bashing this company. And a lot of times it is not Christians who are discriminating against homosexuals, it is the other way around. We are discriminated against and called names, cursed at, and told that we are "old fashioned", or politically incorrect. So think about it, are they telling you they won't serve you or accept you if you come into their store? Or are they just stating their beliefs. Which  may I add our constitutional right! And our country was founded on God and the Bible, and look at how far and how messed up our country is now.

 Personally, I just want to show Christ's love to others, accept them for who they are, and live my life according to God's will. If someone asks what I believe, I will tell them openly, but I will not tell someone that they are living their life wrong, because most have heard it already. I can invite them to church, but I will not judge them, it's not my place nor does it belong to anyone else but God.

Exhausted

So this week has been decent. Work has been eerily "okay". I don't and won't use what we call the "s" or "q" word afraid to jinx us! Not that I really am superstitious but it does seem to get busy when we use those words! Anyway, I worked Monday and Tuesday. Monday was extra and I stayed for the money and then on Tuesday got paid on call for eight hours which took away any overtime I was going to get! I did make four hours extra but still I signed up for the overtime! Whatever, I probably needed the break anyway. I took it as God saying take a break and do things you have been intending to do. So I cleaned a little, chilled, and worked on my adoption quilt that I am making. I am no where near done, but got a lot done too. Today I worked 3a-3p and I am tired to say the least! That is a hard shift to work, but I did it to help out our unit, plus I got night shift differential, so that won't hurt.

Paul has been filling in at a local shop this week for someone on vacation. Which that has been a blessing and we are praying he will find something else soon. It has been weird though because he is home and not and home again. He followed up on some leads but nothing so far at least nothing right now. Paul also called the contractor about the house and we should know tomorrow what needs to be done and how much it will cost.

As far as adoption stuff is concerned, we are slowly working on it. I did however score a hall for free so we can do a luncheon or something on December 9th! I wanted to show a movie, but you have to purchase licensing and that can be $100 and up. So I am going to see if a friends dad can donate his talent and play us Christmas music. Someone gave me the idea of doing dessert and coffee over spaghetti. I am not sure yet though. But that would cost less and be a little easier. So we will see! I am excited about that though because that could bring in some good money for the adoption! We will also hold a silent auction along with whatever we do, and I will have activities for the kids. I am also thinking of an "It's a Wonderful Life" theme. I love that movie and it reminds me of my grandmother who I know would encourage our adoption and fully support it! 

Belle is so cute too. I haven't bragged about her much lately, but I am amazed at how smart she is! She can count to ten, recognize letters of the alphabet, and is working on shapes and colors! She is so cute too! The only time she is not so cute is when she is hitting, throwing a complete fit, or won't go to bed. But even then she is still beautiful and I love my independent, strong willed girl to death! No matter what she brightens my day everyday. And I cannot wait to expand my love, attention, and affection to my other daughter who is out there just waiting for me!

Rainy, sad days

So, since Wednesday when I last posted I have either worked all day or have been off and it has been rainy or overcast and depressing! Add on top of that my already feeling defeated mood regarding our adoption, Paul's job, and just in general being overly tired. This does not make for a good combination! Oh and add my hormones! Really bad now! So poor Paul has had to put up with my mood swings, tiredness and overall cranky attitude. I am sad because of all the recent events and right now I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. All I see is darkness ahead and it's not comforting. I know that this is what Satan wants and I am determined not to let him win, but it is also hard at the same time to fight back when I feel so tired that I don't think I have any fight left.

Although this mornings sermon and worship helped. One song in particular I even cried. The chorus goes "He loves us, Oh how he loves us, Oh how he loves". That part really got me, because no matter how sad or cranky, or nasty I am he loves me. And he loves me so much that he will take care of me, I just need to trust him. My anxiety has been awful lately. I have been anxious about cleaning, money, you name it, I've been anxious about it. But I am working on communicating with Paul about it, praying about it, and calming myself down. A peace actually came over me when I sang that song and that is what brought the tears. It was almost as if God himself was saying I love you Tiff, trust me, I've got this. So for right now this is my song.

It has been a good few days though. We went to a baseball game last night, although we left early because it was cold and rainy, we still had fun. And I have truly started our adoption quilt that I will auction off. We have also decided as for people outside of Paul, Belle, and I we are going to do a homemade Christmas. I just have to decide what to make for who now and find the time! Paul actually wants to help too. Also, Paul heard about another job close to home that is a possibility and he sent a resume to the owner. And praise God he has work this week, as a fill in for a guy that is on vacation at another shop. And he has a few side jobs to do.

One of the things that has me upset too, is I feel like I need to be doing more for our adoption than I am. But there is not much more that I can do at this moment. I cannot change that our doctor appointment got cancelled. And that we need our notary to go with us. I hate not being in control and I am not very patient. But Paul said something yesterday, that was "maybe we are not supposed to be doing much for the adoption right now". I had never thought of it that way. That God has a plan with these road blocks and that it isn't supposed to continue going this quickly. I truly think God is teaching me to fully trust, and rely on him. The reason I think this is because, honestly, Paul and I have never had to truly worry or struggle for most anything that we wanted or needed. Yes things have been tight, really tight but not to the point that we had to think about everything that we spent. So I am learning how to trust that he will provide, and I am banking on him providing something better than we thought of, that will give us what we need and the desires of our heart. He is also teaching me patience through all this, that everything is in his timing. Learning is hard but no one ever said it would be easy. Especially learning life lessons, academics is easier!

Unexpectedly busy

Today was pretty good. Paul let me sleep in again since Belle was up at 6am and I slept until 8! I was on a good role of getting stuff done, and talked to mom this morning. Then I called the dentist again because I was having pressure pain in my root canal tooth again after my filling I had redone last week. So thankfully they got me in today because otherwise, I would have to wait another week. I stopped by mom's so she could see Belle, which we stayed longer than planned but that was good. And we were still at her house at lunch so she gave us coupons for Chick-Fil-A since we had free sandwich coupons. Paul met us up there while he was out job searching. Then Belle and I went to the library and farmers market. I ran into the daycare provider I use in our neighborhood and told her I may need her for the fall and she said that's fine! That was a relief to know that I have someone close if I need it once Paul gets another job. Then we played in the pool and now we are just relaxing together.

I am still struggling some with the job and money aspect of recent events. But I heard an old hymn today that reminded me number one that I don't have it so bad, and number two all needs to be alright with me because this is part of what God's ultimate plan is. The song was It is well by Horatio G. Spafford, for some who don't know the lyrics is goes like this:

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

He wrote this song after his wife and children drowned in a ship that sank crossing the Atlantic. He wrote these words as he visited their grave, where the ship sank. I have it good compared to others and am thankful for all that I do have! Praise God!

Clearing things up

Yesterday when I posted I complained a bit about work. But I really wasn't intending to do so. It was more expressing my frustrations and talking about how I am feeling attacked by Satan. When I spoke about my job and hating it it had nothing to do with my coworkers. I work with good women. I am just being attacked and I am tired and frustrated. So there was frustration there but it really had nothing to do with anyone else but me and my feelings. And everything else in my life that is going on did spill over into that day and my bad attitude. I appreciate my job I usually enjoy it and i enjoy working with the people I do most of the time. It is hard when I love differently and act different. Sometimes I feel judged but most of the time I could care less what others think. Just wanted to clarify that I wasn't tying to point fingers or anything I was just expressing being attacked by Satan.

Satan attacks

Things have been tough the last couple days. I honestly don't remember when exactly I last wrote, but I think it was Wednesday and I was already feeling emotional and attacked. So yesterday, Thursday, I went to work with a horrible attitude and I am sure my coworkers did not appreciate it. Anyway the day at work turned out emotional and frustrating to the point that I didn't want to be there anymore. I am feeling like I want to be home with Belle and be around more, and I want to be involved in church more. Needless to say my day at work was not a good one, not bad but not good either.

Once I got home my evening got worse. Belle wouldn't go to sleep and didn't until after 9. But the worst of all was the news that Paul got laid off without warning. And without reason. He is supposed to go to work tomorrow and maybe help with some stuff but mostly to pack his stuff up and leave. His boss is giving him a few weeks of severance, and Paul will be starting his job search, he has already made a few phone calls to friends. So our "roof" caved in on our lives last night. We are currently in recovery mode and survival. We are praying he finds a job quickly, so we don't have to dip into our savings. So all of this happened on top of the footers on the house "leaning" and needing to get the house lifted. Not sure what that will cost yet either and adoption stuff. This may hinder the adoption for a bit if Paul has to be somewhere for a certain amount of time first. And he will need to get another verification of employment letter from his new employer when he gets one and they feel comfortable saying he isn't going anywhere. The thing that makes both of us most angry is that his boss from this job wrote that verification letter a few weeks ago, notarized and everything! And full well knowing this would screw things up and that he was lying when he wrote it. At least that is what I believe. And I will be hesitant to trust anyone anymore.

Today we went to get our "free" gift card and our vouchers for hotels to take a vacation. They tried to sell us a timeshare and we would if we could, but we can't. But the gift card paid for the trip and we spent some time as a family. We also picked up my holter monitor that I have to wear for 24 hours because of the persistent PAC's that I have daily. And we got Belle's PPD read which was of course negative. Tomorrow we both have to go into work and Sunday we go to church and then have to get my bridesmaid dress and Belle's flower girl dress.

So Satan is on the move and attacking my family, but he will not win! I will not let him! God will carry us through and I will see the light and not chose to focus on the dark. I will do everything in my power to make sure things are right with our family and our adoption. I know Satan does not want us adopting and doing God's will, but I will fight him tooth and nail. I already told him to beat it and leave us alone last night and asked God to bring good out of this and I know He will. All things are part of His master plan good and bad. I know and keep telling myself that he will never leave me or forsake me, that I can do all things through him who strengthens me. And Satan is going down, he will not win! He will not get the best of me!

Another busy day

So today was busy and sad. I attended a funeral for a wonderful woman who met Jesus on Saturday night. It was a lovely service and celebration of her life. She was known for her hugs at church and always being joyful and having a smile on her face. She had been sick for a long time, but even in her illness always smiled and hugged others. She had a joy about her that I only wish I could obtain. I really wish I could ask her just that, "How do you always stay joyful and how do I obtain that?" I know the answer is in Jesus and I have Him in my life, but what about those days that you just are not feeling joyful. I guess I need to surround myself more with joyful Bible verses and such. That was this morning and I drove like a mad woman to get there on time or close to it. Then I rushed home to take Belle to her doctors appointment.

Her appointment went well she got her ppd and I couldn't have been more proud. She sat and watched them with the needle, she flinched a little but had no tears or screams!

The other thing that went on today was we had the contractor back out to look at the house and take measurements in the crawl space. Well, from what I can understand there are two footers that are leaning way to the side and pushing the main support beam which is causing the slopes of the floor, the nail pops in the ceiling and in the floor. So we are now waiting for an estimate. And essentially from what I understand, our beams are leaning and our house could potentially fall over/in if those beams fall down. Great!! We will have to get the house lifted and those beams replaced and I will have them make sure that the grading is better so the crawl space doesn't flood again and we don't get this problem again. So I am praying that with the adoption and everything this doesn't cost too much. We are thinking we will have to take out a loan depending on the cost. So that is my news on the house. I am however thanking God that our house is still standing and that we have a house.

Busy week and weekend

So, this week was crazy for our family! I worked most of the week, all but Monday and Wednesday. Which as everyone knows Wednesday was the fourth of July. So that evening was not spent at home but at my mom's to celebrate. Then yesterday we had our first home study visit, which was our group orientation, then we went to a wedding in the evening. Today was church and home that's it! So unfortunately I didn't get to see or spend much time with Belle which made me very sad and miss her a lot. So I ended up being a little cranky and emotional at times. Just ask Paul, he'll tell you!

And one great blessing for the week, we found out we won a vacation! We entered a contest at a ball game and won! We won a couple nights in Williamsburg and a few nights in Orlando! We just have to listen to them give their pitch for an hour and half and get our vouchers. We will do that this Friday. So the hotels are covered and we just have to pay for incidentals! We have a year to use it. So God blessed us with vacations!

As for work days they were decent. I did have the option a few times to go home early, but I chose not to because number one I want the money and number two, I don't want to use my leave. I am saving it for Ethiopia and time off after we get home. Wednesday was good, however, I was sad. I missed my dad a bit because I remember the holiday growing up with him. We would grill out, spend the day at the pool and then he would turn his truck the opposite way on the street so we could sit in the bed of the truck and watch the fireworks out in front of the house. Then he and mom would go downstairs to watch the Boston Pops while we watched tv or went to bed. Anyway, we went to the pool and napped and everything, then went to moms for a cookout and fireworks with family and friends. It is nice to do that, but I think sometime soon we may just do an individual family thing because everything is just so busy! We had a good time though and Belle spent the night at moms. She came home the next night though after we worked and everything. Mom started watching her this week too, so she was there almost all week. And yesterday on our way to the adoption agency we dropped Belle off once again at moms and left her there for the night since we had the wedding to go to as well.

The home study orientation went great. We turned in papers that needed to be, we met other couples adopting from Ethiopia. And we learned some more things about adoption and coping with our child once she gets home. We learned about some discipline and attachment things and how our own experiences can guide how we treat our children. Anyway, it was good. Paul and I talked a little to the other couples but not too much, sometimes we are kind of shy in areas like that. At one point I did feel like less or like I wasn't doing it for the right reason when I heard people talking about missions and other things they have done that drove them to adopt. Our reason is completely different, but all the same God put it in our path and directed us this way just not the same way He has directed others. Sometimes, it is hard to remember that because I fear judgement and ridicule for not having a better reason. It's stupid but it's the truth.

The wedding was of a friend and co-worker and it was beautiful. She looked beautiful and I wish and pray the best for them. The only thing that bothered me was the catholic ceremony, mostly because I don't understand the religion and their rituals in any way. I found it sad that I didn't see a single Bible for anyone to pick up and read, just predetermined books that they had. And I also found it sad and so impersonal that the priest read prayers from a book instead of just praying. Then he went on about the reason to marry is essentially to procreate. Not much more to it than that according to him. Anyway, that's my vent on that. We had a great time otherwise and Paul and I just enjoyed being with each other in general yesterday and talking about everything.

Today in church I was feeling and I think have been feeling God calling me toward something else. I think He is giving me a more servants heart and wants me to serve in a different way, possibly with my career. Not sure what or when yet but I think I am certain that changes will come in His time and be the right changes. I am feeling like I want to be home more with Belle and with our other little girl when she comes home, and that I need to be more involved with our church. He wants me to serve Him and be more of a member of that community rather than my work community. I want to get involved in missions and serving Him. I don't know when like I said but I know changes are coming along and on top of our adoption.

Now today has been a difficult day trying to get Belle to sleep. I think her schedule is all messed up from last week and spending nights at moms, that now she won't sleep at home. It is almost 9 pm and she is still not asleep and she was up at 4 am!! Yet, I know she is tired, she won't do it. Thankfully tomorrow, my errands will be on my own and I have people to watch her while I go to appointments so she can stay home.

There are some other things going on concerning our adoption and friends adopting as well, and I ask for prayers for all of us. And prayers for all of us financially that God knows and will provide what we need.

Today the sermon was on being content, and how to find it. Basically it all relates to rejoicing and trusting God. Trusting that God knows what He is doing and He cares for and loves you unconditionally. See Phillipians 4:4-12 for reference. That's all I think I have for today. Thanks for listening!